Potionsprincess's review of "Hand in Hand, Chapter 4"

Show only paragraphs with comments Show all paragraphs

Anna sat there, just watching his chest rise and fall. When she finally left the room, quiet as a mouse, she saw that the sun was already down. She grabbed her phone off the kitchen table where she'd left it, and glanced at the time. "Jeez." She saw that she had three missed calls, and seven new text messages. She checked the calls first, as usual. "Dad, Suze, Suze," she read aloud. Her texts showed a similar pattern, so once she'd called her father and chatted for a few minutes, revealing nothing she'd learned earlier, she gave Susie a call. Susie was Adam's mother, but had become much of a mother to Anna as well over the years.

watching whose chest rise and fall? Adams?
much more of a mother


all in all an ok beginning. It didn't really grab me and say hey keep reading though.comment by: Potionsprincess

As the phone rang, she went over to the sleek black refrigerator and pulled out a Gatorade. That had always been Adam's beverage of choice. She smiled, glimpsing the photographs all taped to the fridge.

"Anna!" Susie sighed into the phone.

"Hey Suze." Anna replied, taking a seat on the cool silver chair nearest the door. "What's up? You called a few times..."

"I couldn't get ahold of you, and I've been trying Adam all day! Have you heard from him? I tried having Bobby call a few times, but he still didn't answer! He never does this!"

"Yeah. I'm at his place now, neither of us had our phones though. Sorry." She bit her lip and paused, contemplating the best way to go about this. "Have you uh, has he talked to you about, well...Do you know he's sick?" She shook her head, knowing she wasn't supposed to tell but not feeling right keeping something like this from his mother.

"Oh! Oh, he is? No, he didn't tell me. I know he had a sore throat last week, but he didn't tell me he was still sick! He should probably have a Strep test done, he hasn't gotten it yet this year so he's probably about due."

whose talking here?comment by: Potionsprincess

Anna sighed. She stood to get herself a mug of coffee, wrapping her fingers around the warmth of the base, rather than the safety of the cool handle. "He doesn't have Strep." She allowed the hot liquid to coat the back of her throat with that familiar feeling of crisp, dry flavor that comes only from a fresh cup of coffee. "I can't believe how much snow we've got." She added, hoping the subject change might keep her from having to explain.

whose saying he doesn't have strep? it sounds like annah but im thinking it's suzecomment by: Potionsprincess

It worked. Susie chuckled lightly, informing Anna that she didn't know snow until she lived in Erie for a few years. Anna, however, was barely listening. She was, instead, examining the lines; the varying shades of brown in the hardwood floor upon which she stood. It somehow helped her to know that  even though she felt so shaken, so unstable, this floor would manage to hold her up. Even when the foundation of her life was crumbling, this old apartment that had become a second home would remain unchanged.

nice paragraphcomment by: Potionsprincess

"Anna-girl?" She looked up, realizing that she had missed every word Susie'd said. "You there?"

"Sorry." Anna bit her lip. "I'm really tired." It wasn't a lie, she was absolutely exhausted and the coffee wasn't even touching it. "Did I miss anything good?" She half-laughed, hoping it didn't sound too fake.

Susie finished the laugh for her. "Well, go to bed you silly goose! You do need to learn how to sleep like a normal person, you know..."

Anna swallowed hard. "I know." Her eyes were constantly just a little bloodshot, surrounded by the dark circles she covered up with her ivory foundation every day. "I'm probably going to switch medications again soon." Dramatically, she tended to claim that her insomnia was "killing" her. She'd be less quick to use that term again from now on. "I'll call you in a little bit, okay?"

"Sure, let me know if you need anything. Don't let Adam get away with TOO much, either. I know how you spoil him when he's sick."

"Right." She rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't dream of it. Love you."

"Love you too." Susie said without hesitation. This was their routine to end every single phone call.

"Mom?" Adam asked, standing in the narrow doorway.

Anna jumped, and turned around to find him leaning against the white, stucco wall. "Don't do that!" She laughed. "Yeah, it was your mom." Her smile turned tense. "You're going to have to tell her..."

He nodded, unfazed. "I know. I'm going to. She's gonna be really pissed that I kept it from her, anyway. I might as well get it over with." With that, he picked up his Blackberry and dialed the familiar number, not even bothering to use the speed dial.