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"Black Raven" by megan75143

an 18 yr old indian plummets into the ocean, where she dies from a broken neck a god saves her under one condition

Category: Book: 1st Chapter

Tags: fiction adventure

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The wind whistled through her hair. "Black Raven!"Junea tossed her hair over her shoulder, spotting her friend, Lilia. "What your Momma say 'bout standin' on the edge o' 'dat cliff? " Junea giggled. "Well. I could have!"Lilia scowled. " Do you love me?" Junea asked. "Wellllll, duh!" " Then this is gonna hurt." Junea jumped, plummetting 1,000,000 stories below sea level, into the merciless ocean. 

                                                                          A Brief Chap. 2

 

Down, down she went. Junea laughed. Then realized the rocks beneath her. Screaming, she fell and broke her neck.

 

                                                                             Chap. 3

 


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy the chapter. The chapter was okay. I really enjoyed the chapter.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the chapter.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not credible, interesting or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters where somewhat credible, interesting and unique. I partially understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters where credible, interesting and unique. I thoroughly understand their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and started to care about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: The Beginning

The chapter did not introduce a problem. I really don’t want to read the next chapter. The chapter introduces a problem for the protagonist, but I don’t know why it’s important and/or it does not feel like an immediate resolution is needed. I might read the next chapter. The chapter introduced an immediate and important problem for the protagonist. I really want to know what happens in the next chapter.

The first chapter, especially the first sentence, needs to pull a reader into the story and make them crave more.

Category Name: Setting

I don’t know when or where this chapter takes place. The setting was inadequately described or inappropriately used. I know when and where the chapter takes place but I can only vaguely picture it in my mind. The setting did not add to or distract from the chapter. I know when and where the chapter takes place. The setting enhanced the chapter and helped me better understand the characters or plot.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog caused more confusion than clarification about the characters. It was almost impossible to follow. Some of the dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. I could follow the dialog when paying close attention. The dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. The dialog flowed well and was easy to follow.

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Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. The wind whistled through her hair. "Black Raven!"Junea tossed her hair over her shoulder, spotting her friend, Lilia. "What your Momma say 'bout standin' on the edge o' 'dat cliff? " Junea giggled. "Well. I could have!"Lilia scowled. " Do you love me?" Junea asked. "Wellllll, duh!" " Then this is gonna hurt." Junea jumped, plummetting 1,000,000 stories below sea level, into the merciless ocean. 

2.                                                                           A Brief Chap. 2

3.  

4. Down, down she went. Junea laughed. Then realized the rocks beneath her. Screaming, she fell and broke her neck.

5.  

6.                                                                              Chap. 3

7.  

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