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"Mental Prison" by ArthurALawrence

A poem which provides a simple flashback on the slave trade and is saying that the imprisonment of the black race was mental also and not physical. Also it is showing that, should this mental imprisonment be terminated (by being determined to succeed and working together,etc) the black race will never be victorious.

Category: Poetry

Tags: history

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Atlantic transit


Psychological metamorphosis


Packed like sardines


Our minds compressed


Made to believe


we were in need


Of brute domination




Smooth sailing


Bad seas prevented


our minds disoriented


Nothing could compare to the pain


Of the lashes on the back?


No


Of the groaning stomachs?


No!


Then what?


The pain of the mind


confined


Sold like merchandise,

Auctioned by the skilled,

Beheld with scorn

by eyes of superiority

All of this our minds observed


The baton of hard labour

was passed on

from generation to generation

constant victimization!

Hands to tools,

Whips to backs

we endured it all our minds consented


Why no mental escapes?

Pupa forever?

enclosed altogether?

Will there ever be a butterfly?


Has our geographical relocation

resulted in mental resignation

on our part?


Has our massa's impression of us

become our own impression of ourselves?


Tut tut 

our minds are shut

within the boundary

of our supposed inferiority


Tisk tisk

minds adrift

as we bow to the obelisk

of the power of our captors


Its time we get on our feet!

On the ocean of opportunity

organize our fleet

our enemies we will greet

with the power of strong will

and free minds


We will reach the zenith

of our true potential

The key

is us

being mentally free

Though the silver lining

is not yet visible

within the cloud

rest assured

it is there!


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. Atlantic transit

2.

3. Psychological metamorphosis

4.

5. Packed like sardines

6.

7. Our minds compressed

8.

9. Made to believe

10.

11. we were in need

12.

13. Of brute domination

14.

15.

16.

17. Smooth sailing

18.

19. Bad seas prevented

20.

21. our minds disoriented

22.

23. Nothing could compare to the pain

24.

25. Of the lashes on the back?

26.

27. No

28.

29. Of the groaning stomachs?

30.

31. No!

32.

33. Then what?

34.

35. The pain of the mind

36.

37. confined

38.

39. Sold like merchandise,

40. Auctioned by the skilled,

41. Beheld with scorn

42. by eyes of superiority

43. All of this our minds observed

44.

45. The baton of hard labour

46. was passed on

47. from generation to generation

48. constant victimization!

49. Hands to tools,

50. Whips to backs

51. we endured it all our minds consented

52.

53. Why no mental escapes?

54. Pupa forever?

55. enclosed altogether?

56. Will there ever be a butterfly?

57.

58. Has our geographical relocation

59. resulted in mental resignation

60. on our part?

61.

62. Has our massa's impression of us

63. become our own impression of ourselves?

64.

65. Tut tut 

66. our minds are shut

67. within the boundary

68. of our supposed inferiority

69.

70. Tisk tisk

71. minds adrift

72. as we bow to the obelisk

73. of the power of our captors

74.

75. Its time we get on our feet!

76. On the ocean of opportunity

77. organize our fleet

78. our enemies we will greet

79. with the power of strong will

80. and free minds

81.

82. We will reach the zenith

83. of our true potential

84. The key

85. is us

86. being mentally free

87. Though the silver lining

88. is not yet visible

89. within the cloud

90. rest assured

91. it is there!

92.

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