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"Creeps" by TheDefinition

A little something I wrote after seeing a childhood friend for the first time in over ten years.

Category: Poetry

Tags: Poetry

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

Now you're blaring crass from a Ped, and I’m singing Creep from a bike.

Where did the fork in the road begin? Birth, nursery, primary, secondary, tertiary? Perhaps the claw broke on a stone, or maybe from soil.

Babes we would cry the same, but maturity brought on contrast… And furtive hate.

But what difference does that make?

 

A clandestine disease rears its dreadful head, an upset child, an unwanted reception, and an inglorious realisation.

All of these things stand us apart, like opposing plastic figurines, like cheese and chocolate dreams.

Like those non-existential epiphanies.

All the way to seventeen, catacombs between us, yet divided only by a double white line.

 

Where is the lie, when there are no consequences?

A farcical truth could only assist.

At least we could have tried.

Now you're blaring crass from a Ped’, and I’m singing Creep from a bike.



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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. Now you're blaring crass from a Ped, and I’m singing Creep from a bike.

2. Where did the fork in the road begin? Birth, nursery, primary, secondary, tertiary? Perhaps the claw broke on a stone, or maybe from soil.

3. Babes we would cry the same, but maturity brought on contrast… And furtive hate.

4. But what difference does that make?

5.  

6. A clandestine disease rears its dreadful head, an upset child, an unwanted reception, and an inglorious realisation.

7. All of these things stand us apart, like opposing plastic figurines, like cheese and chocolate dreams.

8. Like those non-existential epiphanies.

9. All the way to seventeen, catacombs between us, yet divided only by a double white line.

10.  

11. Where is the lie, when there are no consequences?

12. A farcical truth could only assist.

13. At least we could have tried.

14. Now you're blaring crass from a Ped’, and I’m singing Creep from a bike.

15.

16.

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