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"True Family Life" by PureinHeart

This is a story about when Mandy and her friends go in a time machine back to meet the Waltons.

Category: Short Story

Tags: youth fiction

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

 BUBUBUBU! BOOM! BANG! FLOOOOSH!

“Oh, no!” Tory my best friend was saying.

“Well game over, I won! It’s now time to watch the Waltons,” I declared. Jake my other best buddy groaned. All of the sudden, I heard my Dad shout, “I’ve got it! It works, it really works and I’m not dead!” My Dad is a scientist that invents things. But his inventions normally end up disintegrating, melting or exploding which sounded like what happened downstairs.

“What in the world?” Tory gasped.

“Come on! Lets go check it out,” Jake exclaimed running down the steps.

“Are you nuts? You never know what’s down there.” I yelled. But there was no answer. I quickly grabbed two goggles; both of us put them on. We warily went down the steps, when we got to the basement, both of us stopped dead in our tracks.

“What is it?” I whispered looking at the humongous shimmering golden, device.

“Well,” Dad said, “It’s a time machine.”

“Really! Can we actually go in it?” Jake asked.

“Sure,” Dad answered. “You can try it out for yourselves tomorrow, just make sure you know when and where.” We sprinted up the steps discussing it, but by the time my two pals left we still had no idea where we were going, so I popped in the Waltons and watched till I fell asleep.



I stretched it was 9:00 A.M, and I was just about to pour myself some juice when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened it. I was shocked to see Jake and Tory there.

“Wow, you guys are here a lot earlier than I thought,” I said. But both of them had already pushed past me and were heading down into the basement. I raced down the steps after them, when I got to the bottom Tory ran up to me.

“What’s going on?” I yelled over the racket.

“We are going to meet the Waltons, way back in the Depression.” Tory answered.

“When did we decide this?” I asked, but Tory didn’t hear me.

“Ok, I’m going to pull the handle,” Jake shouted, when he did he stepped back. The door to the time machine slid opened. We just stood there.

“In you go,” Dad said giving us a push. I screamed as I fell into the monstrous machine, under us was a moving walkway, and around us all sorts of flashing lights. All of the sudden, we were spit out of the machine and onto a dusty path.



We coughed and sputtered as we got back on our feet. The three of us went around to the front of the store. Sure enough it was Ike Godsey’s General Merchandise.

“Oh my word we’re actually here,” Tory said excitedly. Slowly, we made our way into the store.

“Well hello there I’m Ike Godsey. What can I do for you?” Ike said cheerfully.

“Well,” I announced, “I’m Mandy and these are my friends Tory and Jake.” They both waved. Then, I noticed how Ike was looking at our clothes suspiciously. Well, I can’t blame him, Jake was wearing a T-shirt that was personally signed by TobyMac with jeans that weren’t exactly too low but weren’t high either. Tory and I were both wearing jean skirts with neon orange T-shirts that had a black peace symbol on it.

“Um,” I said, “We’re looking for the Waltons.”

Ike smiled “Well if you go down this road-.” All of the sudden, the door opened and in walked in John-boy. We gasped.

“Well, here is John-boy Walton,” Ike said, “He’ll help you.”

“Momma is gonna be needin’ a bag a flour for that cake she’s making,” John-boy said.

“Comin’ right up, I’ll make sure to buy Oliva’s cake at the Church Bake Sale.” Ike answered, “Oh John-boy these kids, Mandy, Jake, and Tory were asking about you.” John- boy turned to us.

“Yea, umm,” Tory said, “We know Jenny, your uhh, girlfriend, and she told us so much about you and your family, so we decided to come and meet you.”

“You know Jenny, well sure come with me.” John-boy said. Ike handed John-boy a bag filled with flour, John-boy paid for it and left with three extra friends in tow. We talked the whole way to the house.

“Well,” John-boy said, “This is it. Everyone we have visitors!”



We ate dinner there and chatted happily, but we had to tell the truth. So I told them about my family, when and where we lived and of course the time machine.

“Are you serious?” John-boy asked.

“Yea we don’t play games like that in our house.” John said.

“No, I’m dead serious.” I said, they looked at me kinda funny (I guess they don’t say “dead serious”).

“Yea, totally dead.” Jake agreed. I jabbed him in the ribs.

“Ow.” Quiet I mouthed.

“Here.” Tory said handing John her Identify Kid card, which said her birth date.

“I know I’m like 5 years old in it, but hey its proof.” They gathered around the card in shock.

“So would you like to come back with us for a day?” I asked. That was like dropping a bomb in the house. Everyone went up into flurries. The kids wanted to, but John and Olivia were hesitant. I told them that we could stop time here so you wouldn’t have to worry. It took awhile but they finally agreed, we would leave first thing tomorrow.



Well, first thing tommorrow morning came quick, lets just say I was up way before 9:00 A.M..

“Mandy, Mandy. Come on it’s already really late.” Erin was yelling my ear.

“Huh. What time is it?”

“It’s already 6:10.” I rolled my eyes back into my head and fell back onto the cot. Erin shook me,

“Get up. Breakfast will be done any minute.” I slumped out of bed. I looked at Tory’s empty cot, she always woke up early. I could barely put a foot in front of the other. I walked out into the hallway and then went into the bathroom. All of the sudden I tripped over the small step and came crashing down onto the floor. Doing this I grabbed the doorknob this only caused me to bang my head on the door.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” I yelled, I pulled myself up and then fell back down on the floor, 6:30 was just too early.



We silently made our way down the path leading to the time machine. All of the Waltons were coming with us back to the future. When we reached it, they were a bit shaken up.

“Oh, come on,” Tory said, “ it’s gonna be really fun! Mandy why don’t you lead the way.” I climbed into the time machine. When I finally came to the end I took a deep breath, and emerged. The rest of the family and friends came tumbling out. They looked totally bewildered.

“Wow. Okay, this is a bit of a surprise. Ahh, hey, I’m Mandy’s father, Owen, and the constructor of the time machine.” Dad added proudly (like all of his inventions worked). The Waltons just looked totally bewildered. He led them into the kitchen. They looked at all the appliances in total shock.

“Jake,” I said, “you take the guys for a tour, Tory and I will take the girls while Dad shows John and Olivia around. We’ll meet in the attic. I think Mom might be up there.”

“Yes sergeant!” Dad said, putting his hand up to his head, I rolled my eyes. We gave the girls a tour, it took about 2 hours and I’ll let you guess why. When we finally got to the attic, we found Jake and John-boy trying to race on my PS3. We burst into laughter, John-boy was moving around like he was driving a car, while Jake sat contently on the floor. We also watched as Jason, Jim-Bob, and Ben tried playing baseball on my Wii, looking totally hilarious. Both of our parents were chatting happily. Then it hit me, we needed to go shopping! I announced my plan, they were excited, but John said,

“I’d love to, but we didn’t bring any money.”

“Consider it our gift,” Mom responded.





As soon as we reached the mall I jumped out, we all ran into the huge shopping center. We decided to stop at Kohls first. I went to the guy’s section, to find John-boy looking at some jeans,

“Hey Daddy what do you think of these?” John walked over.

“Well, they look good.” He said scratching his head.

“Hey, Mandy how much are these?” John-boy asked.

“Those are $40.” I said. John-boy just about fell over,

“$40! They’re even ripped.”

“It’s “in” now to wear ripped jeans,” I said. He shook his head,

“I can’t believe someone would buy already ripped jeans for $40.” I shrugged. I went over to the hat section to find Ben and Jason playing around,

“Well, howdy there, I’m looking for an imposter,” Ben said in his best cowboy voice.

“You’re looking at him,” Jason said with a gruff voice. Then they both burst into laughter. I smiled. I moved along to the woman section, Olivia was just coming out of the dressing room,

“How do I look, Christine?” She asked my mother twirling around.

“Most beautiful, the red is dazzling, and the flowing sleeves finish the elegant look. Why don’t you go show it to John.” Mom said. Olivia hurried away.

“Hey! Mandy what do you think of this vest?” Mary Ellen.

“I think that would look faulouso on you.” I said. She looked at the vest for a minute.

“I don’t know I guess it looks okay, but does this store sell baseball gloves and stuff.”

“Well Kohls has a sports section, but if you really want something sporty you have to go to a special store.” Her eyes bugged out,

“A store just for baseball?” Mary Ellen asked.

“Sure.” I said shrugging my shoulders. Then Mary Ellen grabbed my arm and we flew out of Kohls to find this special store.

“Wait, wait. Let me first text Mom and I will tell her where we are.” I produced my cell phone and quick text Mom, “be at sport store”, Mary Ellen just about fell over.

“Wait, where’s the cord? And you can write stuff on a phone and people get the message?”

“ Well most phones now are cordless. See, Mom just text backed, “k”.” Mary Ellen just looked confused but I pulled her along into the baseball store.



After we checked out, everyone went back into the dressing room to change. They came out looking totally magnificent. John-boy was wearing a leather jacket, and black jeans. The rest of the boys got bright colored polos with jeans. Mary Ellen was wearing a furry vest, baseball glove, and baseball hat. Erin got a jean skirt, green converse shoes, and a hoodie (right up my kind of style). John decided on a black collared shirt, and Olivia and Elizabeth both got dresses. They fooled around and teased each other about their clothes. I looked at the family in was astounded, they didn’t care that other people were staring, or that there parents were dancing in the middle of Kohls. As I looked at the family I really saw what changed in America since the Depression, not the style, or even the way they talked. It’s the families that changed, I mean most teens wouldn’t want to be caught dead with their parents, much less dancing with them, but there was John-boy asking if he could have this dance with his Mom. I looked over to my parents and was shocked to see my Mom dancing with my tremendously geeky Dad. So I went up to Mom and tapped her,

“May I have this dance?” I asked.

“Why not dance together!” She exclaimed. So that’s what we did, making the family that should have stayed even when the Depression left.





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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1.  BUBUBUBU! BOOM! BANG! FLOOOOSH!

2. “Oh, no!” Tory my best friend was saying.

3. “Well game over, I won! It’s now time to watch the Waltons,” I declared. Jake my other best buddy groaned. All of the sudden, I heard my Dad shout, “I’ve got it! It works, it really works and I’m not dead!” My Dad is a scientist that invents things. But his inventions normally end up disintegrating, melting or exploding which sounded like what happened downstairs.

4. “What in the world?” Tory gasped.

5. “Come on! Lets go check it out,” Jake exclaimed running down the steps.

6. “Are you nuts? You never know what’s down there.” I yelled. But there was no answer. I quickly grabbed two goggles; both of us put them on. We warily went down the steps, when we got to the basement, both of us stopped dead in our tracks.

7. “What is it?” I whispered looking at the humongous shimmering golden, device.

8. “Well,” Dad said, “It’s a time machine.”

9. “Really! Can we actually go in it?” Jake asked.

10. “Sure,” Dad answered. “You can try it out for yourselves tomorrow, just make sure you know when and where.” We sprinted up the steps discussing it, but by the time my two pals left we still had no idea where we were going, so I popped in the Waltons and watched till I fell asleep.

11.

12.

13. I stretched it was 9:00 A.M, and I was just about to pour myself some juice when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened it. I was shocked to see Jake and Tory there.

14. “Wow, you guys are here a lot earlier than I thought,” I said. But both of them had already pushed past me and were heading down into the basement. I raced down the steps after them, when I got to the bottom Tory ran up to me.

15. “What’s going on?” I yelled over the racket.

16. “We are going to meet the Waltons, way back in the Depression.” Tory answered.

17. “When did we decide this?” I asked, but Tory didn’t hear me.

18. “Ok, I’m going to pull the handle,” Jake shouted, when he did he stepped back. The door to the time machine slid opened. We just stood there.

19. “In you go,” Dad said giving us a push. I screamed as I fell into the monstrous machine, under us was a moving walkway, and around us all sorts of flashing lights. All of the sudden, we were spit out of the machine and onto a dusty path.

20.

21.

22. We coughed and sputtered as we got back on our feet. The three of us went around to the front of the store. Sure enough it was Ike Godsey’s General Merchandise.

23. “Oh my word we’re actually here,” Tory said excitedly. Slowly, we made our way into the store.

24. “Well hello there I’m Ike Godsey. What can I do for you?” Ike said cheerfully.

25. “Well,” I announced, “I’m Mandy and these are my friends Tory and Jake.” They both waved. Then, I noticed how Ike was looking at our clothes suspiciously. Well, I can’t blame him, Jake was wearing a T-shirt that was personally signed by TobyMac with jeans that weren’t exactly too low but weren’t high either. Tory and I were both wearing jean skirts with neon orange T-shirts that had a black peace symbol on it.

26. “Um,” I said, “We’re looking for the Waltons.”

27. Ike smiled “Well if you go down this road-.” All of the sudden, the door opened and in walked in John-boy. We gasped.

28. “Well, here is John-boy Walton,” Ike said, “He’ll help you.”

29. “Momma is gonna be needin’ a bag a flour for that cake she’s making,” John-boy said.

30. “Comin’ right up, I’ll make sure to buy Oliva’s cake at the Church Bake Sale.” Ike answered, “Oh John-boy these kids, Mandy, Jake, and Tory were asking about you.” John- boy turned to us.

31. “Yea, umm,” Tory said, “We know Jenny, your uhh, girlfriend, and she told us so much about you and your family, so we decided to come and meet you.”

32. “You know Jenny, well sure come with me.” John-boy said. Ike handed John-boy a bag filled with flour, John-boy paid for it and left with three extra friends in tow. We talked the whole way to the house.

33. “Well,” John-boy said, “This is it. Everyone we have visitors!”

34.

35.

36. We ate dinner there and chatted happily, but we had to tell the truth. So I told them about my family, when and where we lived and of course the time machine.

37. “Are you serious?” John-boy asked.

38. “Yea we don’t play games like that in our house.” John said.

39. “No, I’m dead serious.” I said, they looked at me kinda funny (I guess they don’t say “dead serious”).

40. “Yea, totally dead.” Jake agreed. I jabbed him in the ribs.

41. “Ow.” Quiet I mouthed.

42. “Here.” Tory said handing John her Identify Kid card, which said her birth date.

43. “I know I’m like 5 years old in it, but hey its proof.” They gathered around the card in shock.

44. “So would you like to come back with us for a day?” I asked. That was like dropping a bomb in the house. Everyone went up into flurries. The kids wanted to, but John and Olivia were hesitant. I told them that we could stop time here so you wouldn’t have to worry. It took awhile but they finally agreed, we would leave first thing tomorrow.

45.

46.

47. Well, first thing tommorrow morning came quick, lets just say I was up way before 9:00 A.M..

48. “Mandy, Mandy. Come on it’s already really late.” Erin was yelling my ear.

49. “Huh. What time is it?”

50. “It’s already 6:10.” I rolled my eyes back into my head and fell back onto the cot. Erin shook me,

51. “Get up. Breakfast will be done any minute.” I slumped out of bed. I looked at Tory’s empty cot, she always woke up early. I could barely put a foot in front of the other. I walked out into the hallway and then went into the bathroom. All of the sudden I tripped over the small step and came crashing down onto the floor. Doing this I grabbed the doorknob this only caused me to bang my head on the door.

52. “I’m fine. I’m fine.” I yelled, I pulled myself up and then fell back down on the floor, 6:30 was just too early.

53.

54.

55. We silently made our way down the path leading to the time machine. All of the Waltons were coming with us back to the future. When we reached it, they were a bit shaken up.

56. “Oh, come on,” Tory said, “ it’s gonna be really fun! Mandy why don’t you lead the way.” I climbed into the time machine. When I finally came to the end I took a deep breath, and emerged. The rest of the family and friends came tumbling out. They looked totally bewildered.

57. “Wow. Okay, this is a bit of a surprise. Ahh, hey, I’m Mandy’s father, Owen, and the constructor of the time machine.” Dad added proudly (like all of his inventions worked). The Waltons just looked totally bewildered. He led them into the kitchen. They looked at all the appliances in total shock.

58. “Jake,” I said, “you take the guys for a tour, Tory and I will take the girls while Dad shows John and Olivia around. We’ll meet in the attic. I think Mom might be up there.”

59. “Yes sergeant!” Dad said, putting his hand up to his head, I rolled my eyes. We gave the girls a tour, it took about 2 hours and I’ll let you guess why. When we finally got to the attic, we found Jake and John-boy trying to race on my PS3. We burst into laughter, John-boy was moving around like he was driving a car, while Jake sat contently on the floor. We also watched as Jason, Jim-Bob, and Ben tried playing baseball on my Wii, looking totally hilarious. Both of our parents were chatting happily. Then it hit me, we needed to go shopping! I announced my plan, they were excited, but John said,

60. “I’d love to, but we didn’t bring any money.”

61. “Consider it our gift,” Mom responded.

62.

63.

64.

65.

66. As soon as we reached the mall I jumped out, we all ran into the huge shopping center. We decided to stop at Kohls first. I went to the guy’s section, to find John-boy looking at some jeans,

67. “Hey Daddy what do you think of these?” John walked over.

68. “Well, they look good.” He said scratching his head.

69. “Hey, Mandy how much are these?” John-boy asked.

70. “Those are $40.” I said. John-boy just about fell over,

71. “$40! They’re even ripped.”

72. “It’s “in” now to wear ripped jeans,” I said. He shook his head,

73. “I can’t believe someone would buy already ripped jeans for $40.” I shrugged. I went over to the hat section to find Ben and Jason playing around,

74. “Well, howdy there, I’m looking for an imposter,” Ben said in his best cowboy voice.

75. “You’re looking at him,” Jason said with a gruff voice. Then they both burst into laughter. I smiled. I moved along to the woman section, Olivia was just coming out of the dressing room,

76. “How do I look, Christine?” She asked my mother twirling around.

77. “Most beautiful, the red is dazzling, and the flowing sleeves finish the elegant look. Why don’t you go show it to John.” Mom said. Olivia hurried away.

78. “Hey! Mandy what do you think of this vest?” Mary Ellen.

79. “I think that would look faulouso on you.” I said. She looked at the vest for a minute.

80. “I don’t know I guess it looks okay, but does this store sell baseball gloves and stuff.”

81. “Well Kohls has a sports section, but if you really want something sporty you have to go to a special store.” Her eyes bugged out,

82. “A store just for baseball?” Mary Ellen asked.

83. “Sure.” I said shrugging my shoulders. Then Mary Ellen grabbed my arm and we flew out of Kohls to find this special store.

84. “Wait, wait. Let me first text Mom and I will tell her where we are.” I produced my cell phone and quick text Mom, “be at sport store”, Mary Ellen just about fell over.

85. “Wait, where’s the cord? And you can write stuff on a phone and people get the message?”

86. “ Well most phones now are cordless. See, Mom just text backed, “k”.” Mary Ellen just looked confused but I pulled her along into the baseball store.

87.

88.

89. After we checked out, everyone went back into the dressing room to change. They came out looking totally magnificent. John-boy was wearing a leather jacket, and black jeans. The rest of the boys got bright colored polos with jeans. Mary Ellen was wearing a furry vest, baseball glove, and baseball hat. Erin got a jean skirt, green converse shoes, and a hoodie (right up my kind of style). John decided on a black collared shirt, and Olivia and Elizabeth both got dresses. They fooled around and teased each other about their clothes. I looked at the family in was astounded, they didn’t care that other people were staring, or that there parents were dancing in the middle of Kohls. As I looked at the family I really saw what changed in America since the Depression, not the style, or even the way they talked. It’s the families that changed, I mean most teens wouldn’t want to be caught dead with their parents, much less dancing with them, but there was John-boy asking if he could have this dance with his Mom. I looked over to my parents and was shocked to see my Mom dancing with my tremendously geeky Dad. So I went up to Mom and tapped her,

90. “May I have this dance?” I asked.

91. “Why not dance together!” She exclaimed. So that’s what we did, making the family that should have stayed even when the Depression left.

92.

93.

94.

95.

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