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"A Different Type of Kindness" by decandler29

Category: Short Story

Tags: SciFi

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The intercom in the next room crackled to life, “Patient # 4507633, please step up to the window.” Patient # 4507633… that was Marie Jones, she was my final patient of the day. I sat up in my chair, and waited for her to enter my examination room. She opened the door and came inside. I nodded towards the examination table, and she sat down on it with an energized smile on her attractive face.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Whittaker; I have to give you one final test before you can be released.”

“Thank you Doctor, I assure you that I am more ready to get out of this place!”

“This place” was Mungo’s Prison for Women. Marie Jones had been arrested for spying a few days before; her trial had been the previous day.

“I heard that your trial went rather well Miss Jones.”

“I heard that as well Doctor, I was very pleased to hear of my acquittal. I can’t wait to go home.”

“Yes, I am sure that news would be pleasing anyone in your position.”

“Doctor, do you know what I heard? I heard that at one time, the accused person was actually allowed to attend their own trial? And sometimes, they were even allowed to speak in their own defense before a group of people? The people would decide if the accused was innocent or not, not a computer like we do nowadays.”

“Really now Miss Jones, that is utterly ridiculous! People make countless mistakes, for too many to be trusted with such an important decision; that is why we employ the computer. At this time I should to administer your health assessment.”

“How precisely will the test be carried out Doctor?”

“Well to put it simply Miss Jones, I will fasten these wires to the assortment of metal implants that were inserted after your apprehension and subsequent placement here at Mungo’s. I will then fasten the wires up to this machine here in the corner of the room, and push a few buttons. You will probably experience a slight tingling sensation, and then nothing for a few moments. Do not be startled by this, as it is merely low voltage electrical currents running throughout your body, gathering up all your vital information. After about 90 seconds, the currents will die down, and a report of your information will appear on the computer across the hall. I will disconnect the wires, and a nurse will transport me the report, along with your file. I will examine the report, assure myself that you are in excellent health, and then sign off on your discharge. It is that easy.”

“Will it hurt at all?”

“Not one bit Miss Jones, don’t worry. Now hold still while I attach these wires, and it will all be over in a few moments.”

Marie closed her eyes and took several deep breaths as I began attaching the wires to her, and then proceeded to hook the wires up to the machine. This process did not take very long, and soon I was standing next to my machine, my fingers hovering over the control panel.

“Alright now Miss Jones, I am about to administer the test, please remain still.”

“Yes Doctor and thank you for being so kind.”

Her thankful attitude caught me off guard, and I hesitated slightly in doing my job. I looked at her peaceful face once more, and then began the initial phase. I began pushing a series of different buttons, and the machine began whirring. Marie opened her eyes as if startled by the noise, and looked directly into my eyes as I pushed the final buttons.

A look of surprise crossed her features before her face went slack, and she was gone. The machine shut off and I began detaching the wires from her limp body. A surly looking nurse opened the door just as I finished, and shoved a thin file into my hands. I opened to the last page and read:


Patient/ Prisoner # 4507633

Marie Elizabeth Jones

Arrested: 07/09/2113

Charge: Espionage

Trial Date: 07/11/2113

Result: Convicted

Execution Date: 07/13/2113

X______________________




I grabbed a pen from my pocket, and signed my name on the line. I handed the file back to the nurse, and sat down in my chair as two orderlies entered the room and removed Marie’s body.

Even as they shut my door, I could still hear her thanking me for my kindness. I had always assumed I was being kind to the convicted. I had known that it was necessary to execute them, but I felt I should at least spare them the horror of knowing they were about to die. Before I had always felt I was doing the right thing... until Marie Jones thanked me.










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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1.

2. The intercom in the next room crackled to life, “Patient # 4507633, please step up to the window.” Patient # 4507633… that was Marie Jones, she was my final patient of the day. I sat up in my chair, and waited for her to enter my examination room. She opened the door and came inside. I nodded towards the examination table, and she sat down on it with an energized smile on her attractive face.

3. “Hi, I’m Dr. Whittaker; I have to give you one final test before you can be released.”

4. “Thank you Doctor, I assure you that I am more ready to get out of this place!”

5. “This place” was Mungo’s Prison for Women. Marie Jones had been arrested for spying a few days before; her trial had been the previous day.

6. “I heard that your trial went rather well Miss Jones.”

7. “I heard that as well Doctor, I was very pleased to hear of my acquittal. I can’t wait to go home.”

8. “Yes, I am sure that news would be pleasing anyone in your position.”

9. “Doctor, do you know what I heard? I heard that at one time, the accused person was actually allowed to attend their own trial? And sometimes, they were even allowed to speak in their own defense before a group of people? The people would decide if the accused was innocent or not, not a computer like we do nowadays.”

10. “Really now Miss Jones, that is utterly ridiculous! People make countless mistakes, for too many to be trusted with such an important decision; that is why we employ the computer. At this time I should to administer your health assessment.”

11. “How precisely will the test be carried out Doctor?”

12. “Well to put it simply Miss Jones, I will fasten these wires to the assortment of metal implants that were inserted after your apprehension and subsequent placement here at Mungo’s. I will then fasten the wires up to this machine here in the corner of the room, and push a few buttons. You will probably experience a slight tingling sensation, and then nothing for a few moments. Do not be startled by this, as it is merely low voltage electrical currents running throughout your body, gathering up all your vital information. After about 90 seconds, the currents will die down, and a report of your information will appear on the computer across the hall. I will disconnect the wires, and a nurse will transport me the report, along with your file. I will examine the report, assure myself that you are in excellent health, and then sign off on your discharge. It is that easy.”

13. “Will it hurt at all?”

14. “Not one bit Miss Jones, don’t worry. Now hold still while I attach these wires, and it will all be over in a few moments.”

15. Marie closed her eyes and took several deep breaths as I began attaching the wires to her, and then proceeded to hook the wires up to the machine. This process did not take very long, and soon I was standing next to my machine, my fingers hovering over the control panel.

16. “Alright now Miss Jones, I am about to administer the test, please remain still.”

17. “Yes Doctor and thank you for being so kind.”

18. Her thankful attitude caught me off guard, and I hesitated slightly in doing my job. I looked at her peaceful face once more, and then began the initial phase. I began pushing a series of different buttons, and the machine began whirring. Marie opened her eyes as if startled by the noise, and looked directly into my eyes as I pushed the final buttons.

19. A look of surprise crossed her features before her face went slack, and she was gone. The machine shut off and I began detaching the wires from her limp body. A surly looking nurse opened the door just as I finished, and shoved a thin file into my hands. I opened to the last page and read:

20.

21. Patient/ Prisoner # 4507633

22. Marie Elizabeth Jones

23. Arrested: 07/09/2113

24. Charge: Espionage

25. Trial Date: 07/11/2113

26. Result: Convicted

27. Execution Date: 07/13/2113

28. X______________________

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32. I grabbed a pen from my pocket, and signed my name on the line. I handed the file back to the nurse, and sat down in my chair as two orderlies entered the room and removed Marie’s body.

33. Even as they shut my door, I could still hear her thanking me for my kindness. I had always assumed I was being kind to the convicted. I had known that it was necessary to execute them, but I felt I should at least spare them the horror of knowing they were about to die. Before I had always felt I was doing the right thing... until Marie Jones thanked me.

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