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"just like us" by marcia22393

its about a young couple falling in love and dancing in the moonlight and falling asleep in each others arms......

Category: Poetry

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i can see the light

its shining so bright

through the sky, under the clounds

into the crowd,

i look for you

 

staring in your eyes

so very blue

your face so clear

our bodys near

 

i feel the wind

through my hair

 

and just like us

its coliding in the air

just like us

warm and light

just like us

into the night..

is the moon

and the stars

and the lights of the cars

rushing through traffic

music so classic

slow and steady

i listen to the melody

 

soothing air

wispering wind

we fall asleep with a single blink

just like us

out like a light

just like us

into the night

 

 By: marcia Haynes




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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. i can see the light

2. its shining so bright

3. through the sky, under the clounds

4. into the crowd,

5. i look for you

6.  

7. staring in your eyes

8. so very blue

9. your face so clear

10. our bodys near

11.  

12. i feel the wind

13. through my hair

14.  

15. and just like us

16. its coliding in the air

17. just like us

18. warm and light

19. just like us

20. into the night..

21. is the moon

22. and the stars

23. and the lights of the cars

24. rushing through traffic

25. music so classic

26. slow and steady

27. i listen to the melody

28.  

29. soothing air

30. wispering wind

31. we fall asleep with a single blink

32. just like us

33. out like a light

34. just like us

35. into the night

36.  

37.  By: marcia Haynes

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