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"Eva's Friend" by Eggie

Story about my sister and her friend

Category: Short Story

Tags: Non-fiction personal

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Eva’s friend was a good friend. Her friend was always there for her when her day went bad, or when it was hard to face the pain. Her friend was always faithful to her, saying, “Lean on me. I can make it better. I can take away the pain, especially the pain from within.”

Occasionally Eva would ask her new friend, “What is the price of your friendship?”

“Don’t worry”, was the reply, “I just want to be your friend and really want little in return. Don’t worry about it now.”

Eva’s new friend never asked her to make tough decisions like her family did. Instead her new friend would ask, “How do you want to feel? What do you want to do?” Sometimes her new friend would tell her, “You don’t really need others, Eva. Remember that it is others that cause most of your pain anyway. Why even bother with them if all they do is hurt you and cause you pain? You are all you need. Do it your way and I will always be here for you.”

At first Eva had many friends from school and home, but her friends always seemed to hurt her or let her down. Her Mother didn’t understand and could be so difficult. Her husband turned out to not be the white knight she had dreamed of. Her father, who had always been there for her, had died and left her. Eva’s new friend, however, was there for her, saying, “I can take away the pain”’ and the pain did seem to go away----- at least for a while.

Eva’s family would want her to be like them, but Eva’s new friend said, “You can do it on your own. You are strong. Do it your way, Eva.” Eva’s children disappointed her over and over again, and her new friend said, “You can get along by yourself. Keep doing it your way.”

God was another of Eva’s friends, but her new friend said, “Look how much God has to do. He can’t always be here for you like I can. Besides, look how much pain God and religion have caused in the world! People are dying in Ireland and the Middle East because of God and religion. And think how much it hurt you when your church wouldn’t baptize your grandson!” Lean on me. I will always be here for you.”

Eva began to turn to her new friend more and more. Why shouldn’t she? Her new friend was always there and always said that she was right. Her new friend never said, “Eva you have to talk to others.” Or, “Eva, you don’t have to always be strong. It’s alright to feel pain.” No, her new friend just said, “Forget all that, it’s better to feel nothing. When you feel nothing, you will never be hurt again.”

Her new friend, now began to ask things of Eva, things she wouldn’t do ordinarily. Usually they were kind of fun things, so it didn’t seem so bad. Her friend would ask her to act up at a party, to be a clown, to become distant from her family, or to speak with pride about doing things her way. But was it really her way or was it her new friend’s way?

Still her friend asked more of Eva, told her to withdraw even more and to lean more on her friend. “Don’t listen to anyone else. Just do what you want to do and feel like you want to feel.” Her new friend said, “No more pain, Eva. Just feel good.” Eva became more and more dependent on her new friend and the more she became dependent, the more she needed her now old friend.

Finally her old friend said, “Do you still want me to be your friend, Eva?”

Eva said, “Of course, I can’t live with out you.”

Her old friend kind of smiled and said, “Then you have to stick by me no matter what the price.”

Eva said, “That’s alright, I want to keep in doing it my way, and you are the only one who will let me.”

“Okay, we’ve got a deal then”, Said her old friend.

Eva started to feel sick in the mornings and her old friend said, “Lean on me.” Eva started to feel like not eating, and her old friend said, “Lean on me.” Eva began to worry about her health, but her old friend said, “Don’t worry! Just lean on me.” Finally, Eva became very sick, and her Doctor said that it was her old friend who was making her sick, but her old friend said, “Don’t listen. I will take care of you. Just lean on me.”

Now, Eva could see the price of her friend’s friendship. The price was her whole being. The price was distancing herself from all her other friends. The price was losing the closeness of family. The price was leaving the fellowship of God and living inside her self. The price was her health.

The price was too high.

Finally, Eva could see it, and Eva turned her back on her old friend. She said, “I can’t do it on my own. I surrender.”

“No! No!” Screamed her old friend, “I won’t let you go!”

Nevertheless, Eva did and found that her other friends were still there and still cared for her. God was still there and had in fact never left her. God had never stopped loving her nor had God stopped caring for her.

Eva was sober for 45 days, and her old friend screamed at her for every one of those 45 days. People tried to hurt her by taunting her about her old friend. It did hurt, but Eva was finding out it was alright to hurt. It was alright to feel pain. Eva had found peace and love and would not let go.

Eva’s old friend, alcohol, won in the end and killed her. Eva, however, never turned back to her killer and died sober. In those 45 days Eva could see what life in heaven was to be like.

My sister Eva was 45 years old when she died. Her old friend made her final days as bad as he could. Dying from cirrhosis of the liver is very ugly, but I believe Eva’s eyes were fixed on a beautiful place. No matter how gross her old friend could make her look on the outside, her new inner beauty came through.

No I was wrong! Eva’s old friend did not win. In the end, Eva won. Sobriety became more important in her life than the empty promises of alcohol. Eva had found peace.

Good-by Eva. Now you rest in God’s arms.

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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. Eva’s friend was a good friend. Her friend was always there for her when her day went bad, or when it was hard to face the pain. Her friend was always faithful to her, saying, “Lean on me. I can make it better. I can take away the pain, especially the pain from within.”

2. Occasionally Eva would ask her new friend, “What is the price of your friendship?”

3. “Don’t worry”, was the reply, “I just want to be your friend and really want little in return. Don’t worry about it now.”

4. Eva’s new friend never asked her to make tough decisions like her family did. Instead her new friend would ask, “How do you want to feel? What do you want to do?” Sometimes her new friend would tell her, “You don’t really need others, Eva. Remember that it is others that cause most of your pain anyway. Why even bother with them if all they do is hurt you and cause you pain? You are all you need. Do it your way and I will always be here for you.”

5. At first Eva had many friends from school and home, but her friends always seemed to hurt her or let her down. Her Mother didn’t understand and could be so difficult. Her husband turned out to not be the white knight she had dreamed of. Her father, who had always been there for her, had died and left her. Eva’s new friend, however, was there for her, saying, “I can take away the pain”’ and the pain did seem to go away----- at least for a while.

6. Eva’s family would want her to be like them, but Eva’s new friend said, “You can do it on your own. You are strong. Do it your way, Eva.” Eva’s children disappointed her over and over again, and her new friend said, “You can get along by yourself. Keep doing it your way.”

7. God was another of Eva’s friends, but her new friend said, “Look how much God has to do. He can’t always be here for you like I can. Besides, look how much pain God and religion have caused in the world! People are dying in Ireland and the Middle East because of God and religion. And think how much it hurt you when your church wouldn’t baptize your grandson!” Lean on me. I will always be here for you.”

8. Eva began to turn to her new friend more and more. Why shouldn’t she? Her new friend was always there and always said that she was right. Her new friend never said, “Eva you have to talk to others.” Or, “Eva, you don’t have to always be strong. It’s alright to feel pain.” No, her new friend just said, “Forget all that, it’s better to feel nothing. When you feel nothing, you will never be hurt again.”

9. Her new friend, now began to ask things of Eva, things she wouldn’t do ordinarily. Usually they were kind of fun things, so it didn’t seem so bad. Her friend would ask her to act up at a party, to be a clown, to become distant from her family, or to speak with pride about doing things her way. But was it really her way or was it her new friend’s way?

10. Still her friend asked more of Eva, told her to withdraw even more and to lean more on her friend. “Don’t listen to anyone else. Just do what you want to do and feel like you want to feel.” Her new friend said, “No more pain, Eva. Just feel good.” Eva became more and more dependent on her new friend and the more she became dependent, the more she needed her now old friend.

11. Finally her old friend said, “Do you still want me to be your friend, Eva?”

12. Eva said, “Of course, I can’t live with out you.”

13. Her old friend kind of smiled and said, “Then you have to stick by me no matter what the price.”

14. Eva said, “That’s alright, I want to keep in doing it my way, and you are the only one who will let me.”

15. “Okay, we’ve got a deal then”, Said her old friend.

16. Eva started to feel sick in the mornings and her old friend said, “Lean on me.” Eva started to feel like not eating, and her old friend said, “Lean on me.” Eva began to worry about her health, but her old friend said, “Don’t worry! Just lean on me.” Finally, Eva became very sick, and her Doctor said that it was her old friend who was making her sick, but her old friend said, “Don’t listen. I will take care of you. Just lean on me.”

17. Now, Eva could see the price of her friend’s friendship. The price was her whole being. The price was distancing herself from all her other friends. The price was losing the closeness of family. The price was leaving the fellowship of God and living inside her self. The price was her health.

18. The price was too high.

19. Finally, Eva could see it, and Eva turned her back on her old friend. She said, “I can’t do it on my own. I surrender.”

20. “No! No!” Screamed her old friend, “I won’t let you go!”

21. Nevertheless, Eva did and found that her other friends were still there and still cared for her. God was still there and had in fact never left her. God had never stopped loving her nor had God stopped caring for her.

22. Eva was sober for 45 days, and her old friend screamed at her for every one of those 45 days. People tried to hurt her by taunting her about her old friend. It did hurt, but Eva was finding out it was alright to hurt. It was alright to feel pain. Eva had found peace and love and would not let go.

23. Eva’s old friend, alcohol, won in the end and killed her. Eva, however, never turned back to her killer and died sober. In those 45 days Eva could see what life in heaven was to be like.

24. My sister Eva was 45 years old when she died. Her old friend made her final days as bad as he could. Dying from cirrhosis of the liver is very ugly, but I believe Eva’s eyes were fixed on a beautiful place. No matter how gross her old friend could make her look on the outside, her new inner beauty came through.

25. No I was wrong! Eva’s old friend did not win. In the end, Eva won. Sobriety became more important in her life than the empty promises of alcohol. Eva had found peace.

26. Good-by Eva. Now you rest in God’s arms.

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