return to content catalog »

"Finding a direction" by cardboardbird

A story from my travels in China. On getting directions to the bus station from an old woman with a Bible, questions about finding your way and making sense of the world come up.

Category: Short Story

Tags: Travel, China, People, Culture, Religion,

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

In the dim 5am light I step off an overnight train into another grey Chinese industrial city. I’ve been in travelling in China for a week. Now I’m in Lanzhou, on my way to somewhere else, like everyone else spilling out past me. Lanzhou offers no reasons to stay. Its only value is the train station I’m at and a bus station I’m trying to find. By the time I realise that my photocopied map doesn’t resemble the streets in front of me the train crowd has evaporated.

I head toward the main road to find someone with the right direction. A smoking man shouting into his mobile phone approaches but sidesteps me like a lamppost when I get within interrupting range. A few steps later a young suited man looks me in the face, but anticipating my question, waves me away apologetically before it comes. The next guy, gritty with the same grey that covers the buildings, pavement, cars – everything, shuffles toward me. I keep going.

At the corner an elderly lady stands at the curb tracking my approach, hunching as if flinching away from a barking dog. She looks at me and the soft skin of her face folds softly into a sympathetic smile. Her eyes, like drops of India-ink in fresh snow shine out. I ask directions with the few Chinese words I know, gesturing toward the direction I think I’m going. Those eyes shine on me with warm recognition as if she understands. I have my doubts.

I ask again and show her the characters for Bus Station that I had copied into my notebook. She studies the clumsily drawn script. I wonder if I missed a stroke or drew a curve backwards, unintentionally writing something cryptic or offensive. The eyes shine back on me. I smile again, still doubtful. She begins a detailed description of every step to the bus station. She traces the landmarks, marking the roads with a flattened hand, sharply bending it left or right at the turns and then a terminating flick when she reaches the station. I listen intently picturing the streets, crosswalks, a footbridge - or maybe that’s a gate? I thank her and make to leave, but her eyes hook into me.

She makes a cautious scan around. Satisfied there is no threat, she draws from her bag a thick book with a black, leather textured cover. She tenderly places her fingers on the cover as if waking a child. Two red characters in classical Chinse script are embossed on the cover. Mirrored below in smaller type; HOLY BIBLE. She flicks carefully through some of those thin semitransparent bible pages. It all looks the same, except the tiny text is neat grids of Chinese characters.

An imaginary translation plays out in my head as she speaks deeply to me but the only response that comes is an urge to be on the bus. The empathetic expression I try fails. I just can’t make it. When I look into the world all I see are physics and chemistry. For her, the book is the right answer. Forty years ago her holding of that book might have killed her. Keeping it hidden was her only choice. But now everything is open and glittering, and everyone is scrambling to toward it. No one knows if it makes any sense or even if it’s supposed to, least of all me. All I have is sketchy directions to the bus station, so I smile a goodbye and head into it all.


* login or signup to post your review

Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. In the dim 5am light I step off an overnight train into another grey Chinese industrial city. I’ve been in travelling in China for a week. Now I’m in Lanzhou, on my way to somewhere else, like everyone else spilling out past me. Lanzhou offers no reasons to stay. Its only value is the train station I’m at and a bus station I’m trying to find. By the time I realise that my photocopied map doesn’t resemble the streets in front of me the train crowd has evaporated.

2. I head toward the main road to find someone with the right direction. A smoking man shouting into his mobile phone approaches but sidesteps me like a lamppost when I get within interrupting range. A few steps later a young suited man looks me in the face, but anticipating my question, waves me away apologetically before it comes. The next guy, gritty with the same grey that covers the buildings, pavement, cars – everything, shuffles toward me. I keep going.

3. At the corner an elderly lady stands at the curb tracking my approach, hunching as if flinching away from a barking dog. She looks at me and the soft skin of her face folds softly into a sympathetic smile. Her eyes, like drops of India-ink in fresh snow shine out. I ask directions with the few Chinese words I know, gesturing toward the direction I think I’m going. Those eyes shine on me with warm recognition as if she understands. I have my doubts.

4. I ask again and show her the characters for Bus Station that I had copied into my notebook. She studies the clumsily drawn script. I wonder if I missed a stroke or drew a curve backwards, unintentionally writing something cryptic or offensive. The eyes shine back on me. I smile again, still doubtful. She begins a detailed description of every step to the bus station. She traces the landmarks, marking the roads with a flattened hand, sharply bending it left or right at the turns and then a terminating flick when she reaches the station. I listen intently picturing the streets, crosswalks, a footbridge - or maybe that’s a gate? I thank her and make to leave, but her eyes hook into me.

5. She makes a cautious scan around. Satisfied there is no threat, she draws from her bag a thick book with a black, leather textured cover. She tenderly places her fingers on the cover as if waking a child. Two red characters in classical Chinse script are embossed on the cover. Mirrored below in smaller type; HOLY BIBLE. She flicks carefully through some of those thin semitransparent bible pages. It all looks the same, except the tiny text is neat grids of Chinese characters.

6. An imaginary translation plays out in my head as she speaks deeply to me but the only response that comes is an urge to be on the bus. The empathetic expression I try fails. I just can’t make it. When I look into the world all I see are physics and chemistry. For her, the book is the right answer. Forty years ago her holding of that book might have killed her. Keeping it hidden was her only choice. But now everything is open and glittering, and everyone is scrambling to toward it. No one knows if it makes any sense or even if it’s supposed to, least of all me. All I have is sketchy directions to the bus station, so I smile a goodbye and head into it all.

7.

Reviews that have been completed within the last 30 days

  • There are no reviews for this item.