return to content catalog »

"POINTS AGAINST MY WORRIES" by lawal4eva

For one undergoing serious setback but has mix of hope and hopelessness. Fighting hard to convince himself to accept that the future can be good. Finally, he becomes strong and optimistic.

Category: Contests / February Poetry Contest

Tags: motivation, motivational, inspiration, inspirational, aspiration.

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

When hoping seems to be self deluding,

And the world fails to act with conscience,

Even the modicum of good life is eluding,

Permitting no value for patience.

A faint feeling urging I will get over,

This I am now afraid to nurse,

For I am too tired not to admit it is over,

My hope hitherto never purse,

Mindful of failures and the danger they pose,

I am afraid as out of reach seems cure.

Soon I will be losing for I am not too close,

Efforts here and there fail to become pure,

The world never celebrates losers,

Something I crave with my whole being,

Slips into the hands of one of the evil choosers,

Leaving me static in the state I have being.

I call this total sorrow,

When your attractiveness is standing still,

Waiting for a better tomorrow.

Coming to you as a happiness pill,

Everyone may fail you when you have no gold,

Not respecting if it is in time deposit,

Failing to know that it will later come out bold,

And put his perception in the opposite.

Here is not a home,

Like a fish in an aquarium,

I am not down with this dome,

Anxiety is driving me into delirium.

Wanting to close my eyes and stretch out a hand,

I shall open my eyes to heave a sigh,

For on my dreams it will land joyfully I will forever soar high,

Having owned everything its absence had made me dejected,

Watching in awe as the oddities fade away,

Forgetting I was once  rejected.

Ignorant know not that hard times will surely fade away,

Greener and greener pasture pending,

Slightly loosening is this bad bond,

Sliding through and towards sunshine tending,

I envisage bathing forever in riches pond.

Ocean tides blowing towards the coast,

Carrying rubies with the swash,

Waiting and keeping the post,

Nothing close to my wealth goes back with the backwash.

For  I have long awaited this,

Many lifeline rescues I have enjoyed,

Paying back is out of this,

As they were numerously employed,

But the goodies will be too much for my lone need,

I shall settle my debts with speed.

 

 

 




* login or signup to post your review

Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. When hoping seems to be self deluding,

2. And the world fails to act with conscience,

3. Even the modicum of good life is eluding,

4. Permitting no value for patience.

5. A faint feeling urging I will get over,

6. This I am now afraid to nurse,

7. For I am too tired not to admit it is over,

8. My hope hitherto never purse,

9. Mindful of failures and the danger they pose,

10. I am afraid as out of reach seems cure.

11. Soon I will be losing for I am not too close,

12. Efforts here and there fail to become pure,

13. The world never celebrates losers,

14. Something I crave with my whole being,

15. Slips into the hands of one of the evil choosers,

16. Leaving me static in the state I have being.

17. I call this total sorrow,

18. When your attractiveness is standing still,

19. Waiting for a better tomorrow.

20. Coming to you as a happiness pill,

21. Everyone may fail you when you have no gold,

22. Not respecting if it is in time deposit,

23. Failing to know that it will later come out bold,

24. And put his perception in the opposite.

25. Here is not a home,

26. Like a fish in an aquarium,

27. I am not down with this dome,

28. Anxiety is driving me into delirium.

29. Wanting to close my eyes and stretch out a hand,

30. I shall open my eyes to heave a sigh,

31. For on my dreams it will land joyfully I will forever soar high,

32. Having owned everything its absence had made me dejected,

33. Watching in awe as the oddities fade away,

34. Forgetting I was once  rejected.

35. Ignorant know not that hard times will surely fade away,

36. Greener and greener pasture pending,

37. Slightly loosening is this bad bond,

38. Sliding through and towards sunshine tending,

39. I envisage bathing forever in riches pond.

40. Ocean tides blowing towards the coast,

41. Carrying rubies with the swash,

42. Waiting and keeping the post,

43. Nothing close to my wealth goes back with the backwash.

44. For  I have long awaited this,

45. Many lifeline rescues I have enjoyed,

46. Paying back is out of this,

47. As they were numerously employed,

48. But the goodies will be too much for my lone need,

49. I shall settle my debts with speed.

50.  

51.  

52.  

53.

54.

55.

Reviews that have been completed within the last 30 days

  • There are no reviews for this item.