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"Crush" by RhikkiSymphony

This is a poem to the person I have a huge crush on!

Category: Poetry

Tags: Factual crush

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

I want to say something to you, but I’m afraid

Afraid of overstepping those boundaries you’ve set forth

Even if I were to just say hello to you, I couldn’t help but fill that expression with passion

As I gaze into your eyes

…praying I stare you into submission

Listen,

I’m not trying to totally rearrange what you’re used to

I just want a hefty sample of that voo-doo that’s attached to you

The things you do to me, even when you’re not around…

Gorgeous chocolate brown,

I know you think about me, too

Because I think of you…like all the time

I’m fully aware of my SIN, I don’t ignore

Soul

In

Need

Indeed, and mine is craving a part of yours

But detours obscure

So I can’t seem to get inside one of those pockets of your heart

As a matter of fact, it’s as abstract as a piece of art

I’m smart enough to know that things sometimes fall apart…

And when they do, I’ll be there for you

For as long as you need me to be

Because you’re more than just a poem to me

No matter the way you act, my feelings for you will remain true and sincere, intact

I’m so confident there’s something inside you that wants so bad to come near…relax

And go beyond the point of no return

Curiosity kills, the cat will never learn

…So they say…

Originality of the expression really meant just the opposite

Being too cautious, careful and worrisome was omitted

Never-the-less, I’ll continue to chase that hi called you

I’m committed…

Old habits die hard, and you’ve already adapted to normalcy

Contrary to me,

Also, to the way you think the movie of your life should play

But to some degree

I tempt you…

Sparking unseen fires deep, near the core of your existence

Feelings of great warmth and intensity, relentless

I’m very sure that things change and so do people

So whenever you decide to go through the change,

I want you to know my feelings for you will still be the same

‘Cause time won’t stop for these feelings of mine

And feelings don’t just fade away in time.




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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. I want to say something to you, but I’m afraid

2. Afraid of overstepping those boundaries you’ve set forth

3. Even if I were to just say hello to you, I couldn’t help but fill that expression with passion

4. As I gaze into your eyes

5. …praying I stare you into submission

6. Listen,

7. I’m not trying to totally rearrange what you’re used to

8. I just want a hefty sample of that voo-doo that’s attached to you

9. The things you do to me, even when you’re not around…

10. Gorgeous chocolate brown,

11. I know you think about me, too

12. Because I think of you…like all the time

13. I’m fully aware of my SIN, I don’t ignore

14. Soul

15. In

16. Need

17. Indeed, and mine is craving a part of yours

18. But detours obscure

19. So I can’t seem to get inside one of those pockets of your heart

20. As a matter of fact, it’s as abstract as a piece of art

21. I’m smart enough to know that things sometimes fall apart…

22. And when they do, I’ll be there for you

23. For as long as you need me to be

24. Because you’re more than just a poem to me

25. No matter the way you act, my feelings for you will remain true and sincere, intact

26. I’m so confident there’s something inside you that wants so bad to come near…relax

27. And go beyond the point of no return

28. Curiosity kills, the cat will never learn

29. …So they say…

30. Originality of the expression really meant just the opposite

31. Being too cautious, careful and worrisome was omitted

32. Never-the-less, I’ll continue to chase that hi called you

33. I’m committed…

34. Old habits die hard, and you’ve already adapted to normalcy

35. Contrary to me,

36. Also, to the way you think the movie of your life should play

37. But to some degree

38. I tempt you…

39. Sparking unseen fires deep, near the core of your existence

40. Feelings of great warmth and intensity, relentless

41. I’m very sure that things change and so do people

42. So whenever you decide to go through the change,

43. I want you to know my feelings for you will still be the same

44. ‘Cause time won’t stop for these feelings of mine

45. And feelings don’t just fade away in time.

46.

47.

48.

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