"The Distance of the Heart (first chapter: Exposed)" by peacemusictwloha13

1. One.

2. The crisp Winter breeze softly kisses my cheeks. I wrap my arms tighter around my legs, hugging my knees to my chest. We're sitting under the huge oak tree looking out at the pond a few yards away. The breeze picks up a little and sends my thick black hair flying from under my gray hat. I push the curls behind my ear hoping it will help keep them out of my face.

3. "Bella, I think I need to talk to you about something." His deep voice comes from my right. I don't look over at him; I already know what I’ll see.

4. Anthony Ian Haines, my best friend. His brown hair hangs in a curly shag above his gray eyes. I know that if I look at him, those eyes will be looking down at the ground, thick eyebrows pulled together in thought, and his mouth will be set in a firm line. I know that his strong arms will be crossed over his chest, not because of the cold, but because of what he's thinking about.

5. I don't say anything, just nod in encouragement. I know that he'll talk to me when he's ready.

6. "Last night..." His voice trails off. He doesn't speak for a few more minutes and when he does it's only a whisper. "Last night I got drunk." I feel him looking at me now, to see my reaction but for a moment I can't look up at him.

7. My body tenses in response to his statement. At first I want to scream at him and tell him how stupid he is, but in the past, that kind of reaction has only caused us fights. I have taught myself over the years to be cautious around him.

8. "Why?" It's all I can say without yelling at him.

9. "My brother," he spits the word out like it has a whole new meaning, "gave it to me. I just kept drinking because I was with my family. I won't do it again, I promise." Anthony’s so called "family" is pretty screwed up. His mom died when he was just ten but he didn't live with her. His aunt has raised him since he was only two years old. I honestly have never understood how all of his brothers and sisters are related. The brother he's talking about now is actually his cousin, Jarred. They’ve lived together so long that they’re more like brothers instead of cousins, even if they’re brothers who hate each other. Jarred use to beat him up until Anthony was final able to hit him back.

10. I don't say anything. I just sit there thinking. I have no clue what to say. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. He told me last year when he first started drinking and I know he's been struggling with it ever since.

11. "Are you mad at me?" His voice is so soft.

12. "No, I'm not mad at you Anthony, I'm just... I don't know." Normal people would be mad at him, would scream and yell at him to quit, but not me. No, I couldn't do that to Anthony. He already has too many people yelling at him.

13. But how much I wish that I could get through to him. Doesn’t he see that he’s hurting himself and me? I can tell what grief his family causes him, but that doesn’t mean he should turn to drinking.

14. It's true that we haven't known each other for as long as other people. We met three years ago when I visited a church with my friend; I didn't go back for awhile. We started talking online and a few weeks later he asked me to come back to his church. We've been close friends ever since. For some strange reason that I've never understood, Anthony is my closest friend.

15. "I promise that's the last time."

16. I know he wants to mean it, but I'm not sure if I can believe him this time. He's told me so many times before that he going to stop but I know he never has.

17. "Just like the last time was it, right? Or the time before that?" My voice is sarcastic and I hear him flinch at the words I let slip. The words I tried to hold back, came spilling out without me wanting them to. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just that I'm tired of you drinking, I really am and I don't want you to get hurt." I am so hypocritical, only he doesn't know it. I don't ever want him to know that. It's too complicated and he doesn't need to worry about it.

18. "It's okay, but I honestly mean it this time. I'm done with it."

19. "Okay." I don't look at him, instead I stand up. "We should get going, it's almost nine and we have school tomorrow."

20. "Yeah, okay." He gets up and follows me to my 1948 Ford truck. My brother, Nick, gave it to me last year for my sixteenth birthday after we both put in a lot of hours to fix it up. It has a deep blue paint job. The interior is black with blue trimmings. We made sure that it had a nice radio and comfortable leather seats. 

21. I turn the heater on and wait for it to warm up. Anthony doesn't seem to mind the cold. He laughs at me while I rub my hands together.

22. "Shut up. It's not funny! I'm really, really cold." I glare at him. He's never been bothered by the cold, it's just one of the many freakish things about him. He's perfectly comfortable in his red t-shirt and thin blue jeans, which of course, have holes in them.

23. "You’re always cold, even in the summer." He tilts his head to the side. "I’ve always wondered about that. Why do you wear long sleeves during the summer?"

24. Oh no. Oh please not now. Why does he have to notice those kinds of things?

25. "I don’t know. I guess I’m just comfortable in these clothes." I look down. I know that if I met his eyes then he would instantly know that I lied.

26. I pull back onto the street and head towards town.

27. "So have you been working on your art project?" Anthony mindlessly looks for a radio station.

28. "Yeah, but I can’t seem to get the shading just right."

29. "Well I’m sure you’ll get it."

30. "Hopefully."

31. We grow silent as the first signs of civilization appear. My truck rumbles off the main road and turns onto the street that leads towards our neighborhood.

32. "I've never understood why you have such a big truck." Anthony laughs at me in amusement.

33. "Hey show some respect to my truck, okay? '48 was a good year for Ford trucks."

34. "Oh really. Do you even know what kind of engine you have under that hood?" He's making fun of me; he already knows the answer.

35. "No, but I do know that it's a nice one and it gets me where I need to go." I turn to look at him. "I'm sorry I don't speak car language, or guy language."

36. "Well I'll forgive you." He can't help the smile that spreads across his face. He laughs at me when I try to give him the cold shoulder. "I'm sorry, are you not going to talk to me now?"

37. I don’t answer him. Instead I try to make it seem like I am completely focused on my driving. But no matter how hard I try, I can't help but smile as he makes a fool of himself singing along with the radio .It always amazes me how we can be talking seriously one minute and the next be joking around and laughing until we cry.

38. "So does this mean I’ve forgiven?" He tries to sound like he’s actually worried that I’m mad at him.

39. "Hm, I guess you’re forgiven for now."

40. "Thank you so much Bella." He makes a point of being over dramatic. "Now I can go to bed tonight and sleep in peace."

41. I laugh at him as we pull into his driveway.

42. "Well I'll see you tomorrow." He grabs his things and opens the door.

43. "Alright. Bye."

44. I wait until he makes it inside and then drive the two blocks to my house.  It's a German style, two-story, cream colored house with brown wood paneling, although bricks make up most of it. Green vines grow along the side and frame the window to my room. The front yard is almost completely overgrown. There's a big tree that was there long before any of us were born.

45. I park my truck in the driveway and grab my backpack from the seat beside me. The sun has already set and it feels like it should be snowing. I run to the front door and hurry to unlock it. The sound of the slamming door echoes throughout the empty house.

46. I'm not worried about my dad being home for a long time. He works as a detective for the Broken Arrow Police Department. He claims that he has too many cases right now; he's said that for the past seven years. Ever since our mom died, he's been working almost seventeen hours a day. He makes sure we don't have to see each other for more than a few minutes a week.

47. I walk up the stairs to my room. Blueish gray walls greet me. Posters of Batman, Phantom of the Opera, Twilight, Skillet, and a few of my paintings, all line the walls. A computer is set on a desk in a corner. A huge stereo, that I saved my money for months to buy, takes up a whole shelf, books and CD's take up the rest of bookshelf. My bed is against the wall to the left of the door. I throw my bag on the floor next to my night stand and go to the closet. I don't have many clothes, and most of what I have are comfy sweat pants and hoodies. I change into some extra soft ones and then put on my house shoes.

48. After I grab a sandwich, I turn my stereo on and drown out the rest of the world with a classical CD. As I eat, I read my favorite book, Pride and Prejudice. I get so caught up in the story that I jump almost ten feet in the air, when I hear my dad come through the door. I quickly turn off my light and pretend like I'm asleep.

49. I listen as my dad fixes himself something to eat. He walks quietly up the stairs and stops by my room to turn the stereo down before finally taking a shower and going to bed. I wait until I know he's asleep, to get back up and continue reading.

50. When did we get to this point? It wasn't always like this. We use to laugh and enjoy each other's company. But that was when this house use to be a home, a place that held a family, not two strangers. The walls that were once filled with warmth and life are now cold and dead. Everything died with my mother. Something in me has gone with her, something that I can't seem to find.

51. I set my book down. I hate it when I start to think like this; it only causes the hole in my chest to throb. I shouldn't still be this depressed about it, should I? But how can I just forget that it happened? How can I ignore the difference it has made on what is left of this family?

52. I give up on reading and turn off my light. I listen to the music and try not to think about the pain in my chest. Eventually I fall asleep.

53. The next day passes slowly. I go through my classes at school without really paying any attention. Somehow I survive until it's time for lunch. I walk into the noisy, crowded cafeteria and sit my books down at the usual table, towards the back, next to the window. The line is short today and I'm able to grab my food and walk back to our table within a few minutes. Tina and Scott are already there with their food.

54. Tina Alice Stevens has been almost like a sister to me since the sixth grade. We are complete opposites. She has blond, straight hair, green eyes, and she's short. She loves the skater look: choppy hair cut, lip, nose, and ears pierced, skinny jeans, and stylish shirts; a look that clashes with my causal hoodies and jeans. Tina is a percussionist for the Pride of Broken Arrow, but we call it "the cult." It’s a bunch of band people that practice almost day and night for contests. She was with them the year they won Nationals. Her boyfriend, Scott Bennet, is also in the Pride. He has straight brown hair and green eyes. He's probably a foot taller than Tina. They've been going out for over a year and it's like they can't get enough of each other. They both say that one day they're going to get married; I don't doubt it one bit.

55. "Bella guess what!" Tina doesn't even take a breath. "We don't have practice today! So we're going to go see a movie. You and Anthony should come with us. I think we're going to get something to eat before we go." She talks so fast that sometimes I'm surprised I can understand her.

56. "What movie are you seeing?" I take a drink of my Dr. Pepper.

57. "We don't know yet, but we want you to come."

58. "I don't know guys. I should probably stay home tonight and work on my homework."

59. "Bella! You're always doing homework. Take a break for once in your life. Live a little."

60. "Yeah Bella, live a little. What are we talking about?" Anthony sits down with his food. He has twice as much as I do. I don't know how he can eat it all.

61. "We're going to go see a movie tonight and we want you guys to come." Tina fills Anthony in as we eat.

62. "Well I'm in for a movie. And Bella, you have to come. I don't want to be a third wheel. You know how much I hate that." They're all looking at me, waiting for an answer.

63. "Guys, it's only Tuesday. Can't you wait til Friday?" I already know there's no point in fighting with them.

64. "Oh come on, you're always so concerned with school. Please Bella?" Tina gets this sad look on her face.

65. "Fine. Why not? I mean we only have finals coming up in three weeks." I roll my eyes at them

66. "Exactly. Three weeks of nothing but review. I think you can afford to skip studying for one night." Anthony smiles at me in triumph. He always wins with these kinds of things.

67. "What time are we all going?"

68. "Let's just go eat something after school and then catch a movie." Tina is practical bouncing up and down in her seat.

69. "Where are we eating?"

70. "Gosh Bella. Why do you always have to know all those little details?" Tina smiles at me. "We can figure that stuff out later. Let's meet up in parking lot B. Sound good?"

71. "Sure."

72. "Yeah."

73. "I guess." I sigh, the last thing I want to do is go see a movie. I have to study for finals, but I guess whatever makes them happy.

74. "Great! I can't wait." Tina, of course, is just has excited as always. It's hard not to be happy around her when she's smiling all the time. I think it's mostly because of Scott. He makes her so happy.

75. After lunch, Anthony and I head over to the art room. The smell of paint hits us as we walk into cramped room. I grab my charcoal and he grabs his paint. There aren't very many desks to chose from but not many teens are in art so it's not a major problem.

76. We sit down at a table near the window where we can get the best lighting. I'm working on a sketch of my hand. I love to look at the shadows that dance across my skin. Hands have always been my favorite thing to draw. At first I was horrible, but after a few years practice, I can sketch a pretty good looking hand.

77. Anthony is working on a painting of a old woman sewing a quilt. I have no clue why he decided to go with it. I asked him last week why he chose it but he just shrugged and smiled at me like it's this huge secret.

78. It feels like only minutes after I start drawing, that the bell rings. We rush to put everything up and still make it to our last hour of the day.

79. Orchestra is my favorite class because it's so relaxing. I can be having the worst day of my life and when I make it there, everything seems to loose it's importance.

80. Closets line two of the walls and the doors are covered with mirrors to give the illusion that it's a bigger room then it really is. Four doors are on the opposite wall from where we enter. Two doors lead to storage rooms, one to Mr. Bennett's office, and one that use to be a bass closet until the band took it over. The band thinks they own the whole building. Their room is three times the size of ours but yet they still need more space? It doesn't make much since, but because the school worships them, they get anything and everything they want. 

81. Anthony and I grab our cellos from the closet and then try to make it through the maze of instruments and students, to our section. I currently sit in first chair while he sits in second.

82. After a few minutes we finally start to work on the song we'll be playing at the contest in Oklahoma City. Twice our conductor, Mr Bennett, has to stop because someone is not playing. I don't understand why they're not kicked out. Mr. Bennett says he wants to make the class avaible to everyone, but why let people in that only want an easy A? I mostly ignore they're comments and focus on the music.

83. All too soon the hour is over and we have to bag up. I'm dreading going to the movies tonight. I don't want to sit for two hours in some theater, the smell makes me sick. But, it's very hard to say no to Tina. She's the kind of person who you don't want to say no to because you don't want to upset her; it can be so frustrating sometimes.

84. I'm slow bagging up today to prolong the inevitable. I take extra time to clean my cello and rosin my bow even though I'm putting it away. I sort my music and then put it back in the folder.

85. By the time I zip up my cello case, the room is almost completely empty. Anthony is standing by the piano waiting for me to finish. I'm in no hurry as I walk to the cello closet. When I set my cello on its shelf, my sleeve catches on the zipper and to my horror, my arm is exposed. I quickly cover it up.

86. My dark secret, the thing no one knows about, is hidden everyday under long sleeves. Red, perfect lines cover the length of my arms. The secret I have protected for two years, exposed.

87. I look around the room to see if any of the people left noticed. I start to calm down when it appears that no one is paying any attention to me. I think I've dodged the bullet, until I see Anthony.

88. He's staring at me with wide eyes. Shock is written all over his face. I feel myself blush and turn back around. I walk as fast as I can, through the door and all the way to my truck. I throw my backpack in and then slam the door behind me. Before I can lock the doors, it opens and he sits down.

89. My hands shake while I put the key in the ignition. Music surrounds us and makes this tight bubble that I can't escape from. I drive to parking lot B with my body tense, ready. I prepare myself for the yelling that's going to start. But nothing happens. He doesn't say a word to me. Not one single word.

90. I see Tina and Scott waiting for us and I pull up next to them. As usual, they're holding hands and both have goofy grins stretching across their faces.

91. "Hey let's go to Sonic and then we can head to the movies." Tina is so excited that I fake a smile just so she'll stay happy.

92. "Okay, let's go." I wait for them to get back in Tina's car and then follow them to Sonic. I order a Dr. Pepper and some fries. I ask Anthony if he wants anything, but he just shakes his head. I offer to share with him but still there is no reply.

93. It's a quiet drive. I turn up the radio to try and distract myself but all I can think about is what Anthony's thinking about. Is he mad? Upset? Or does he even care? If he really cared wouldn't he have said something by now? 

94. Once at the theater, we all agree on the same movie, some comedy about a couple. A typical Tina movie. She absolutely loves a good romance, and Scott likes anything she does.

95. I sit between Anthony and Tina for an hour and a half and watch the flickering lights as they flash across the screen, but my mind is running in circles, trying to figure out what is going on in Anthony's head. I can't believe I was so careless. This shouldn't have happened.

96. I'm still thinking about it when the credits start running up the screen. We stand up and walk back out into the sunlight. Tina says she enjoyed it and automatically I agree with her, that way I won't have to answer as many questions. I try to pay attention as Tina and Scott laugh and talk about the movie, but without much success.

97. "That was so much fun! Do you guys want to go get some coffee or something?" Tina has to be on some kind of energy pill. I honestly don't understand how she can be this peppy.

98. "I don't think I can, I should really get home and do my homework." I do have homework, but right now I feel like I'm going to be sick.

99. "Oh, alright. Anthony, do you want to come with us?"

100. "Uh, I think I should catch up on some homework too, but you guys have fun." He sounds almost convincing.

101. "Okay, bye guys see you tomorrow." Tina smiles.

102. "Sorry you guys can't come." Scott says as he gets into the car. Both wave when they drive past us.

103. We walk in silence to my truck. I want to ask him what he's thinking about but I'm trying to hold onto my last hope, that it was just my imagination and he didn't see anything. But I know I'm wrong. Even as I try to lie to myself, I know that Anthony defiantly saw the cuts.

104. The silence lasts until we're on the road.

105. "Bella, we need to talk."

106. End One.

107.