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"The Element of Pain" by jenshead

Moments of complete pain are the ultimate form of torture.

Category: Contests / February Poetry Contest

Tags: Free verse, pain

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

Pain

Its poison weaves into one’s very fibers

wrapping, pinching, pulling every which way

sending out roots; those life giving veins

filled with the insulin of established authority

 

An all-consuming fire

it burns through the bone and into the marrow

 

Which is worse:

       ·        The physical, immobilizing form that takes one’s breath away?

       -or-

       ·        The mentally tormenting configuration that makes it hard to breath?

 

Either one will drive a mind wild

The world’s tools cannot always tame

the beast’s tongues of repression

as they lick and spew their venomous flames

 

The waiting game, once consumption takes root

is its own form of torture -

       (Thoughts bridge between erasing the ache

        and holding together until deliverance is made) 

 

What about when these two join forces?  When physical and mental combine?

       ·        Will a bridge be able to hold their weight?

       ·        Will madness ensue; can thoughts flow at all?

       ·        Will the only thought be to hope that the poison works fast

                so the victim’s redemption can lead to a quick death?

 

Living in hell, this unbearable hell

makes an irrational fool of ‘em all

When the only thought one can form in this storm

is this torment must stop, and by any means mortal

Then the battle is set for defeat and the soul has sold itself out

       (An ebbing tide, it’s a thief in the night; so slowly it does erode.

        Will the soul be hollow before time runs out?)

 

Pain: man’s form of torture and suffering; degrees of distress are beside the point.

          Survival's dependant upon one’s faculty function; just how much can one man endure?

 

 





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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. Pain

2. Its poison weaves into one’s very fibers

3. wrapping, pinching, pulling every which way

4. sending out roots; those life giving veins

5. filled with the insulin of established authority

6.  

7. An all-consuming fire

8. it burns through the bone and into the marrow

9.  

10. Which is worse:

11.        ·        The physical, immobilizing form that takes one’s breath away?

12.        -or-

13.        ·        The mentally tormenting configuration that makes it hard to breath?

14.  

15. Either one will drive a mind wild

16. The world’s tools cannot always tame

17. the beast’s tongues of repression

18. as they lick and spew their venomous flames

19.  

20. The waiting game, once consumption takes root

21. is its own form of torture -

22.        (Thoughts bridge between erasing the ache

23.         and holding together until deliverance is made) 

24.  

25. What about when these two join forces?  When physical and mental combine?

26.        ·        Will a bridge be able to hold their weight?

27.        ·        Will madness ensue; can thoughts flow at all?

28.        ·        Will the only thought be to hope that the poison works fast

29.                 so the victim’s redemption can lead to a quick death?

30.  

31. Living in hell, this unbearable hell

32. makes an irrational fool of ‘em all

33. When the only thought one can form in this storm

34. is this torment must stop, and by any means mortal

35. Then the battle is set for defeat and the soul has sold itself out

36.        (An ebbing tide, it’s a thief in the night; so slowly it does erode.

37.         Will the soul be hollow before time runs out?)

38.  

39. Pain: man’s form of torture and suffering; degrees of distress are beside the point.

40.           Survival's dependant upon one’s faculty function; just how much can one man endure?

41.  

42.  

43.

44.

45.

46.

Reviews that have been completed within the last 30 days

  • See the full page version of this review heartbrokenpoet - Feb 26, 2012

    (9 stars) more »

    Wow! That was an extremely emotional poem. The words were so extravagant in their placement that it screams amazing. Every line I read I could feel, I could understand. I know the emotions of this poem, I have felt and still feel this way. Such an amazing job :)

    (9 stars) more »

    Clear, I knew what the theme was instantly. It made this subject brand new, it didn't just add to it!

    (9 stars) more »

    I didn't inline comment on this because I would have commented on every line. There wasn't a part of this poem that I didn't like. There wasn't a line that I thought, "oh maybe this?" It was great.

    (8 stars) more »

    The form and structure did become a little shaky in the middle, I had a hard time at first reading through the second verse.

    (9 stars) more »

    It is obvious the mechanics were well thought out and I did not notice mistakes.