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"Thunderbird Night" by ltlwly26

Two friends spend an evening exchanging confidences and risking their valued friendship.

Category: Short Story

Tags: fiction, relationships,

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This could be a disaster.  The little voice in the back of my head repeated pessimistically before this night is over an anvil could be falling on your head. This sort-of-a-date but sort-of-not-a-date might be the latest in a long line of stupid things I’ve done. Melissa’s call caught me at a moment of red wine induced weakness.  She mentioned upcoming events at the park.  Without a first or second thought I told her we would go together.  The remorse started within minutes of hanging up.  Now I was tip toeing my way through the evening hoping not to dislodge the anvil. 

 

We cruised into the park. The hood of my midnight blue 1962 Thunderbird was gleaming in the setting sun.  The chrome trim and ornaments sparkled reflecting the golden light of early evening.  The car showed the reward of hours and hours of polishing and waxing. I glided her into a parking space in the lot at the top of the hill.  I moved the column shifter to park and gently stroked the throttle.  The vintage Ford 390 V8 responded with a lovely melodic burble from the dual exhaust.  

 

“You want a cigarette,” Melissa asked.

“What, you know I quit years ago.”

“If you’re finished making love to this car I thought you might want one. I know guys like their vehicles, but you make me blush watching you caressing this thing.”

“Darling, one of the best moments of my life happened in this car,” I said.

“You mean you got lucky in the seat I’m sitting in, yuck.”  Her wide grin and dancing eyes showed her pleasure at poking fun at me. Melissa was always so much fun to be around.  

“No much better than that.”  Real men don’t wear their hearts on their sleeve and I rarely shared personnel memories.  However, the warm light of sunset and soft sweet air set the stage for an exchange of confidences.  “The first time I kissed a girl and fell in love happened in this car.  Vicki was sitting in your seat on a beautiful summer night in 1969.  It wasn’t the first time I kissed her, but this time it was like a lightning bolt hit me. The feeling was so strong I couldn’t think straight for what seemed like forever.  The wave of pleasure from the kiss was an absolute surprise.  Every kiss till then was an attempt at lust but this for the first time was love. That was the one time in my life that happened.”

I looked over expecting her joking comeback.  She was deep in her own thoughts.  Melissa is my good friend of fifteen years.  She is more than ten years younger than me and looks twenty years younger.  We supported each other through me becoming a widower and her divorce.  We shared and entertained each other so much but in all our talks over many years we had never approached any level of romance or involvement.  We could call each other any time day or night and expect a compassionate ear.  Now I had put that all in jeopardy by putting us in a situation perilously close to a date.  We were here to watch Oktoberfest fireworks in the park.

 

In a soft voice she said,” I never had that kiss.  I never fell in love.”

“What about Tom,” I prompted. Tom was her husband of eighteen years.

“We kissed. We made out,” she said; her voice was flat and emotionless. “He had a Chevy pick up truck with a bench seat.  He would move the shift thing up and we could lie down.  After the first time I let him, he wanted it every time we went out.  It was easier sometimes to just let him do it than fight about it.  And it wasn’t all bad.  He did ring the bell every now and then. But no I never felt that love kiss.”

“But you married Tom so you must have been in love at the start?” I hoped this would cheer her up.

“Not really,” she sighed. “He knocked me up.”

I had nothing to say. I wished I could crawl in the trunk and hide.

“I had to tell mom and dad before I started to show. Tom was afraid.  He forced me to tell them alone. Dad was so mad he looked like he wanted to kill me.  He just said,’ you made you bed, so go lie in it’ and I got married 4 months pregnant. No honeymoon. Just move from Dad’s house to Tom’s house.  I really tried to love him and a couple of years later the second boy came along.  Maybe when the kids were little we were fond of each other and maybe loving.  But in my heart I never wanted to be married to Tom. “

 

I just sort of sat there for a minute. What she said stopped me in my tracks.  “I didn’t know,” I lamely stammered.

 

“That was the story of eighteen long years,” She said. “I just couldn’t get divorced until dad died. After I saw how much he hated me getting pregnant, no way I could tell him I was getting divorced.  He never called me Princess after he knew I was pregnant.”

The puzzle of her ending a long marriage the way she did made sense now. We all wondered why she chose that time and that way to leave. “So you stayed married to Tom because your Dad made you?”

She looked me straight in the eye. “Yes, I just couldn’t stand to disappoint him again.  Even after dad died I may have stuck it out longer, but Tom pushed me over the edge.  I was so hurt and lost after funeral.  That night I crawled in bed and pulled the covers over my head.  Tom came in and wanted sex.  I pulled my legs up to my chest and held the blankets as tight as I could. He pulled the covers down and stood over me showing he was ready.  No way had I wanted him lying on me and rutting between my legs.  I told him no, that my head hurt, and the funeral had done me in. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.  He said I could just lie there and let him do it because he didn’t need me to help.  He took the baby oil from the dresser and got himself ready.  He used that cold oily hand to roll me over.  I bit my lip and cried.  Thank God he didn’t last long.  He left to go wash up and watch television. That’s when I decided to leave.”

We were so quiet I could hear the T-Bird’s engine soft ticking as it cooled. The smell of the blooming butterfly bushes filled the car. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“You wanted to know,” Melissa said. “Can I drink a Coke in your car?”

Her eyes were dry.  As I watched she turned to look outside. I told her,” Drink ‘em if you got em.” After she told me her story I felt the need to do the same for her.

“Do you remember all those nights I spent at the nursing home my wife slowly passed away? How many times you told me how nice I was to keep visiting when all hope was gone and she couldn’t respond any more? Well there is something you need to know that may change what you think.  Our families and friends expected me to be there everyday. I was afraid to disappoint them the way you couldn’t disappoint your dad. A lot of the time I was at the side of the bed I was wishing she would just die already.  I wanted desperately to be free to live a full life again.”

“I sort of knew it all along,” she muttered. “I saw the look in your eyes.  You looked like a trapped animal.”

“What you don’t know is I didn’t wait till she died to do some things. Cindy knew I had the hots for her.  She was more than willing to let it happen. We had a couple of secret meetings.” I couldn’t meet her eyes as I told my big secret.

 

Melissa laughed.  She threw her head back and roared. “That’s your big secret.  I knew the first time you nailed Cindy. We all knew.”

“You’re kidding. We were so careful.”

“Not careful enough to keep that Cheshire cat smile off your face for a week.” She dissolved into fits of laughter again.

“Guess I’m not as sneaky as I thought,” realizing that sounded a lot more petulant than I wanted.

 

The sun had dropped below the horizon and the dark sky was pushing away the last glow of sunset.  The fireworks would be starting soon.  Reaching back I grabbed my jacket and held it out to her.  The air was getting cooler by the minute. She shook her head. I got out and walked over to open her door. 

 

She slid out. I pulled her into a hug. “We sure are a sorry pair,” I whispered in her ear. “We both went looking for love and found something else.”  We started climbing the rise to a good spot.

 

Melissa picked her way through the grass. She went on, “Well I messed up but my boys won’t.  I told them the story of how me and Tom got married.  I warned them that five minutes of pleasure can ruin your life, that a kid will control your life for twenty years.”

You didn’t really do that did you?” I questioned.

“Of course I did. I don’t want them to make the same mistake I made.”

Pulling her arm to my side I guided her to a spot with a rock sticking six inches out of the ground. Melissa stepped on the rock and turned to put us face to face. Should I say what was on my mind? I wanted this to end as just a pleasant evening but if I spoke up I was sure she would be hurt. I just couldn’t hold it in. “Do you know what you did?”

“Did what?”

Through an almost closed throat, “You told your boys they were accidents.  They weren’t wanted.”

The words hit her hard. “They know I love them,” she pleaded.

Tears filled her eyes and drops grew at the corners.  I said, “If I was you I’d make sure to sit them down and explain how I didn’t mean the way it sounded.  That they were the light of your life and not an unwanted burden.”

“Oh, they know. It’ll be ok,” she didn’t convince me or her.

Thankfully the fireworks started. We could quit talking. I pulled her back against me and wrapped as much of my jacket around her as possible.  Normally I would be thrilled to have such a sexy lady leaning against me in the dark.  But her eyes were fixed in the distance as she worried over what I said.

The loud frantic finish of the fireworks shook her out of her thoughts.  After one last gentle hug, I stepped back to help her down. We rubbed shoulders as we walked back to the car. “Will you still be my friend?” she asked.

“Darlin, I’ve stuck with that old T-Bird for almost forty years.  That car has lots of style but is as reliable and a politician. Hell, it can’t even talk.  You are such a great person and friend; I expect I could stick around you for about forty years.”

 

 I wondered if I was trying to talk myself into thinking my feelings for her hadn’t changed. Or was I trying to make her believe that everything was fine.  I heard the anvil whistling down and knew the pain to come was huge.

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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. This could be a disaster.  The little voice in the back of my head repeated pessimistically before this night is over an anvil could be falling on your head. This sort-of-a-date but sort-of-not-a-date might be the latest in a long line of stupid things I’ve done. Melissa’s call caught me at a moment of red wine induced weakness.  She mentioned upcoming events at the park.  Without a first or second thought I told her we would go together.  The remorse started within minutes of hanging up.  Now I was tip toeing my way through the evening hoping not to dislodge the anvil. 

2.  

3. We cruised into the park. The hood of my midnight blue 1962 Thunderbird was gleaming in the setting sun.  The chrome trim and ornaments sparkled reflecting the golden light of early evening.  The car showed the reward of hours and hours of polishing and waxing. I glided her into a parking space in the lot at the top of the hill.  I moved the column shifter to park and gently stroked the throttle.  The vintage Ford 390 V8 responded with a lovely melodic burble from the dual exhaust.  

4.  

5. “You want a cigarette,” Melissa asked.

6. “What, you know I quit years ago.”

7. “If you’re finished making love to this car I thought you might want one. I know guys like their vehicles, but you make me blush watching you caressing this thing.”

8. “Darling, one of the best moments of my life happened in this car,” I said.

9. “You mean you got lucky in the seat I’m sitting in, yuck.”  Her wide grin and dancing eyes showed her pleasure at poking fun at me. Melissa was always so much fun to be around.  

10. “No much better than that.”  Real men don’t wear their hearts on their sleeve and I rarely shared personnel memories.  However, the warm light of sunset and soft sweet air set the stage for an exchange of confidences.  “The first time I kissed a girl and fell in love happened in this car.  Vicki was sitting in your seat on a beautiful summer night in 1969.  It wasn’t the first time I kissed her, but this time it was like a lightning bolt hit me. The feeling was so strong I couldn’t think straight for what seemed like forever.  The wave of pleasure from the kiss was an absolute surprise.  Every kiss till then was an attempt at lust but this for the first time was love. That was the one time in my life that happened.”

11. I looked over expecting her joking comeback.  She was deep in her own thoughts.  Melissa is my good friend of fifteen years.  She is more than ten years younger than me and looks twenty years younger.  We supported each other through me becoming a widower and her divorce.  We shared and entertained each other so much but in all our talks over many years we had never approached any level of romance or involvement.  We could call each other any time day or night and expect a compassionate ear.  Now I had put that all in jeopardy by putting us in a situation perilously close to a date.  We were here to watch Oktoberfest fireworks in the park.

12.  

13. In a soft voice she said,” I never had that kiss.  I never fell in love.”

14. “What about Tom,” I prompted. Tom was her husband of eighteen years.

15. “We kissed. We made out,” she said; her voice was flat and emotionless. “He had a Chevy pick up truck with a bench seat.  He would move the shift thing up and we could lie down.  After the first time I let him, he wanted it every time we went out.  It was easier sometimes to just let him do it than fight about it.  And it wasn’t all bad.  He did ring the bell every now and then. But no I never felt that love kiss.”

16. “But you married Tom so you must have been in love at the start?” I hoped this would cheer her up.

17. “Not really,” she sighed. “He knocked me up.”

18. I had nothing to say. I wished I could crawl in the trunk and hide.

19. “I had to tell mom and dad before I started to show. Tom was afraid.  He forced me to tell them alone. Dad was so mad he looked like he wanted to kill me.  He just said,’ you made you bed, so go lie in it’ and I got married 4 months pregnant. No honeymoon. Just move from Dad’s house to Tom’s house.  I really tried to love him and a couple of years later the second boy came along.  Maybe when the kids were little we were fond of each other and maybe loving.  But in my heart I never wanted to be married to Tom. “

20.  

21. I just sort of sat there for a minute. What she said stopped me in my tracks.  “I didn’t know,” I lamely stammered.

22.  

23. “That was the story of eighteen long years,” She said. “I just couldn’t get divorced until dad died. After I saw how much he hated me getting pregnant, no way I could tell him I was getting divorced.  He never called me Princess after he knew I was pregnant.”

24. The puzzle of her ending a long marriage the way she did made sense now. We all wondered why she chose that time and that way to leave. “So you stayed married to Tom because your Dad made you?”

25. She looked me straight in the eye. “Yes, I just couldn’t stand to disappoint him again.  Even after dad died I may have stuck it out longer, but Tom pushed me over the edge.  I was so hurt and lost after funeral.  That night I crawled in bed and pulled the covers over my head.  Tom came in and wanted sex.  I pulled my legs up to my chest and held the blankets as tight as I could. He pulled the covers down and stood over me showing he was ready.  No way had I wanted him lying on me and rutting between my legs.  I told him no, that my head hurt, and the funeral had done me in. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.  He said I could just lie there and let him do it because he didn’t need me to help.  He took the baby oil from the dresser and got himself ready.  He used that cold oily hand to roll me over.  I bit my lip and cried.  Thank God he didn’t last long.  He left to go wash up and watch television. That’s when I decided to leave.”

26. We were so quiet I could hear the T-Bird’s engine soft ticking as it cooled. The smell of the blooming butterfly bushes filled the car. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

27. “You wanted to know,” Melissa said. “Can I drink a Coke in your car?”

28. Her eyes were dry.  As I watched she turned to look outside. I told her,” Drink ‘em if you got em.” After she told me her story I felt the need to do the same for her.

29. “Do you remember all those nights I spent at the nursing home my wife slowly passed away? How many times you told me how nice I was to keep visiting when all hope was gone and she couldn’t respond any more? Well there is something you need to know that may change what you think.  Our families and friends expected me to be there everyday. I was afraid to disappoint them the way you couldn’t disappoint your dad. A lot of the time I was at the side of the bed I was wishing she would just die already.  I wanted desperately to be free to live a full life again.”

30. “I sort of knew it all along,” she muttered. “I saw the look in your eyes.  You looked like a trapped animal.”

31. “What you don’t know is I didn’t wait till she died to do some things. Cindy knew I had the hots for her.  She was more than willing to let it happen. We had a couple of secret meetings.” I couldn’t meet her eyes as I told my big secret.

32.  

33. Melissa laughed.  She threw her head back and roared. “That’s your big secret.  I knew the first time you nailed Cindy. We all knew.”

34. “You’re kidding. We were so careful.”

35. “Not careful enough to keep that Cheshire cat smile off your face for a week.” She dissolved into fits of laughter again.

36. “Guess I’m not as sneaky as I thought,” realizing that sounded a lot more petulant than I wanted.

37.  

38. The sun had dropped below the horizon and the dark sky was pushing away the last glow of sunset.  The fireworks would be starting soon.  Reaching back I grabbed my jacket and held it out to her.  The air was getting cooler by the minute. She shook her head. I got out and walked over to open her door. 

39.  

40. She slid out. I pulled her into a hug. “We sure are a sorry pair,” I whispered in her ear. “We both went looking for love and found something else.”  We started climbing the rise to a good spot.

41.  

42. Melissa picked her way through the grass. She went on, “Well I messed up but my boys won’t.  I told them the story of how me and Tom got married.  I warned them that five minutes of pleasure can ruin your life, that a kid will control your life for twenty years.”

43. You didn’t really do that did you?” I questioned.

44. “Of course I did. I don’t want them to make the same mistake I made.”

45. Pulling her arm to my side I guided her to a spot with a rock sticking six inches out of the ground. Melissa stepped on the rock and turned to put us face to face. Should I say what was on my mind? I wanted this to end as just a pleasant evening but if I spoke up I was sure she would be hurt. I just couldn’t hold it in. “Do you know what you did?”

46. “Did what?”

47. Through an almost closed throat, “You told your boys they were accidents.  They weren’t wanted.”

48. The words hit her hard. “They know I love them,” she pleaded.

49. Tears filled her eyes and drops grew at the corners.  I said, “If I was you I’d make sure to sit them down and explain how I didn’t mean the way it sounded.  That they were the light of your life and not an unwanted burden.”

50. “Oh, they know. It’ll be ok,” she didn’t convince me or her.

51. Thankfully the fireworks started. We could quit talking. I pulled her back against me and wrapped as much of my jacket around her as possible.  Normally I would be thrilled to have such a sexy lady leaning against me in the dark.  But her eyes were fixed in the distance as she worried over what I said.

52. The loud frantic finish of the fireworks shook her out of her thoughts.  After one last gentle hug, I stepped back to help her down. We rubbed shoulders as we walked back to the car. “Will you still be my friend?” she asked.

53. “Darlin, I’ve stuck with that old T-Bird for almost forty years.  That car has lots of style but is as reliable and a politician. Hell, it can’t even talk.  You are such a great person and friend; I expect I could stick around you for about forty years.”

54.  

55.  I wondered if I was trying to talk myself into thinking my feelings for her hadn’t changed. Or was I trying to make her believe that everything was fine.  I heard the anvil whistling down and knew the pain to come was huge.

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