return to content catalog »

"The Task" by slyon

Sometimes a large island can feel like a prison, especially for Sebastien who's grown up ready to experience the next adventure.

Category: Book: 1st Chapter

Tags: fantasy, magic, action, adventure

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

Awakening from another restless sleep, Sebastien crawled out of bed to the sound of a rooster crowing in the distant air. The light of the sun drifted through the open window landing on his light brown hair exaggerating the hidden red tint in it. Looking around the large room, he couldn’t help but to feel trapped. The only relief he received was from the shelves holding the many oddities he had collected. In his younger days he collected odd rocks, twisted petrified twigs, and other things that caught his eye. Back then, the town was big enough to quench his desires for freedom, now it was a prison. It was on his eighth birthday during his first father-son outing to mount Algar when he realized his soul and body were not meant to be confined, he was a wanderer. Now, nine years later, even this once enormous island had become his new prison. The fact that he could not leave, not yet at least, only made his desire for freedom stronger.

Sebastien dressed quickly not because the others would be waiting on him instead it was to avoid the inevitable morning ritual. Just as he was reaching for the door to leave he heard the dreaded morning knock causing him to nearly loose his balance.

“It’s open.” The frustration in his voice caused the tone to be much lower then normal.

Sebastien’s older brother Gideon appeared behind the opening door and greeted him with his normal dissatisfied frown promising him yet another unpleasant morning. Though the two brothers looked quiet similar, Sebastien had broader shoulders and was almost a head taller than Gideon who received their mother's read hair and none of their father’s brown.

“You’re gonna be late again.” Gideon’s voice remained true to its usual tired and fed-up tone. At least, that is the only tone Sebastien ever heard from him.

“I know. I’m hurrying.”

Not waiting for and in fact hoping not to receive the all too common discussion, Sebastien slipped past his brother through the door and started towards the stairs.

“Stop!”

Sebastien’s eyes rolled back as he realized he hadn’t made it. Glancing at the stairs directly in front of him and trying to decide whether or not to make a run for it, he stopped but didn’t turn to face his agitation.

“What? You trying to make me late?”

“No matter what I do, you’re always mad at me. What do you want me to do? I did not ask to look after you; I want it less than you.” Gideon’s voice trailed off and Sebastien turned around to see his brother staring at the ground. “I would be long gone had dad not put you under my charge.” His voice became quiet. “I should be gone.” Then, as if remembering where he was, he looked back up and resumed his normal voice. “So what am I supposed to do?”

Sebastien knew his brother had good intentions, but all his troubles began when his dad died and his brother took over. He couldn’t help but feel resentful towards him; he didn’t need his help. “Just let me be. I can take care of myself.” His voice was not one of contempt, but rather a quite plea. Without listening for a response he went down the stairs and out the door. As he took his first breath of outside air, the smooth cool scent revived him from the night’s confinement. With a light blue sky and only a few white clouds, it was once again a beautiful day.

Sebastien was on the outskirts of town, for which he had always been grateful. He was approximately 300 strides from town where the only other sign of civilization was a dirt road guiding him towards his destination. Looking up the great oak trees seemed to be playing with one another as a refreshing breeze gently moved their branches. His eyes focused on his destination, his mind couldn’t help falling onto what had just happened and how much he wished his dad could still be there with him. He could clearly remember the mountain outings he went on with his father which they fondly referred to as “The Mountain Days.” He and his father would go into the mountains for weeks at a time; most importantly they went alone. For Sebastien, there was nothing greater that they could do together than to explore the mountains. Mount Algar was the tallest mountain on the island and was only a fourth of a day’s journey. It wasn’t the height that impressed him the most however; it was the many wonderful secrets. Even after 9 years of their outings, Sebastien had not found a hundredth of those secrets. The ones he had discovered were amazing and of those the most amazing had become Sebastien’s own little private spot of the world.

They had been hiking up the mountain when Sebastien fell behind while watching an eagle flying aimlessly through the sky pretending he was doing the same. His father calling brought him out of his daze and into a run only to trip on a rock in his excitement. Landing in a scrub-bush wall outlining the trail he didn‘t receive any serious injury staying down only to get over the shock. His father coming over to make sure he was alright was first to notice the overgrown trail head. As Sebastien noticed his father’s gaze, his face lit up as he knew where their outing would take them.

Even though the trail seemed to disappear the further they went, Sebastien’s curiosity and excitement only grew as they arrived at the end. Built into a mountain cavity was a small hut made of a straw-mud mixture and a crudely hung tree-branch-door. After calling for an occupant and not receiving an answer, they entered to find it dusty and abandoned. Inside a straw bed and a small crudely fashioned table were the only signs of previous occupancy. The area near the straw wall was left empty for walking room, though weeds now began to break through the hard rocklike dirt. Fashioning another bed similar to the first, the straw hut became their favorite base camp.

It was to this hut that Sebastien found his feet and mind wandering. It was where he longed to be, it was where he needed to be; but, it wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He quickly corrected his feet and headed toward his original destination staring only at the ground in front of him; if only my dad wouldn’t have asked me to continue with my studies.

Hearing a large explosion Sebastien looked up almost missing the large fire cloud ascending to the heavens. His heart began racing, it didn’t happen often but when it did he knew a good day was in front of him. Without telling them to, his feet began racing to class. His mind and eyes were focused believing they would soon see the High Elder lecturing his classmates. It is him!

The High Elder was the oldest resident of Edien, as well as the most powerful. He was twice as old as the average Edienite but despite his age there was no white hair, no long flowing beard, and no staff to help him get around. He looked like the typical middle age Edienite with short brown hair, broad shoulders, and a tall stature. The only sign of his age came from his careworn face. It was said he lived so long because of his magical prowess and incredibly knowledge of the world. There was no other in Edien that could match him on either account.

“You are late again Sebastien. Take your seat quickly. We have already begun.”

Not attempting to muster an excuse, he excitedly found his seat next to his friend Janardan.

“What did I miss?”

“Today he will be showing us how to control fire and wind”

“Are we going to be able to make that huge fireball I saw?”

“Yea right, I wish. We will be learning how to start a small campfire” Janardan responded with a hushing voice.

With that his heart finally slowed and he found his mind wandering back to the mountains. Sebastien had learned this many years ago on his mountain outings from his father. Why must I wait for everyone else to catch up, why can’t someone teach me at my level? Awakened from his daydreams by a sharp jab to this side, he realized the High Elder was waiting on him. Getting up he walked to the makeshift fire pit, placed his hand palm down over the fire, and shot a stream of fire. The fire quickly engulfed the kindling and set the wood ablaze. After getting approval from the High Elder, he returned to his seat ready to watch his friend try. The High Elder reached over the fire summoning it back into his waiting hand.

Janardan was the next best in their class and if anyone else could do it he could. Janardan's true skill and passion however was with the sword, not even the teachers equaled him. When fighting he had a commanding air about him but as he stood ready for his current task his lack of confidence was apparent in his trembling hands. Despite the fear it wasn’t long before a tiny flare was seen coming from his hand and a puff of smoke ascended into the air. Receiving the nod of approval he quickly found his seat and dropped onto his chair whispering “I’m glad that’s over.”

Sebastien watched as a few others tried, though they took longer then Janardan many were able to repeat his success. An audible gasp was heard as the High Elder began to describe their next task. They were to put out the fire by calling upon wind. Intrigued, his attention was entirely upon the teacher. Sebastien always felt he was the High Elder’s favorite pupil as his classes would often have an extra task that seemed to be for just for him. This couldn't be that task however, it seemed impossible for anyone. Wouldn’t the wind just spread the blaze?

“High Elder, wind will just spread the fire won’t it” another echoed Sebestien's thoughts out loud.

“That would depend on how you use it.”

As he said this, the dirt seemed to circle around the fire creating a make-shift wall around the flames. Suddenly a huge gushing sound was heard as wind crashed down upon the fire vanquishing it. Without another word, he turned to Sebastien and beckoned him toward the reappearing flames now reaching higher then Sebastien could. This time it was Sebastien’s turn for trembling hands. Hoping for help he looked to the High Elder and in turn received a reassuring smile.

Not wanting to fail, Sebastien closed his eyes to concentrate on his task. Stretching forth his hand he opened his eyes and began summoning forth the wind. Soon the dust around the fire began to circle. Unlike the previous demonstration however, the dirt was not picked up from the ground and the wind wall was invisible. Though he couldn’t see it with his eyes he could feel it with his hands. He knew where the wind was, which way it was blowing, and that with just a thought he could reverse the direction. Summoning the wind down upon the fire only caused it to burn hotter and spread further out. Startled he pressed down harder and the fire along with his wind-wall gave way to the unseen force. Determined to succeed, Sebastien closed his eyes and remembered the scene in front of him. The world around disappeared and all that was left was the fire, the wind, and his hands trying to suffocate the flames. His hands had become the wind and he was grasping the fire on all sides determined to not let it move. The fire resisted and as he pressed harder the fire scorched his hands. The fire was just too much for him to handle. A voice slowly crept into his thoughts. I know you can do it, you need to do it. You will need it on the mission I have for you, for all of you. A rush of emotion came over him giving him a renewed strength. With one final thrust his wind-hand crashed upon the fire forcing it into the ground; he had done it. Opening his eyes only long enough to see the fire was no longer burning; Sebastien fainted to the ground in exhaustion.





* login or signup to post your review

Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy the chapter. The chapter was okay. I really enjoyed the chapter.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the chapter.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not credible, interesting or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters where somewhat credible, interesting and unique. I partially understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters where credible, interesting and unique. I thoroughly understand their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and started to care about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: The Beginning

The chapter did not introduce a problem. I really don’t want to read the next chapter. The chapter introduces a problem for the protagonist, but I don’t know why it’s important and/or it does not feel like an immediate resolution is needed. I might read the next chapter. The chapter introduced an immediate and important problem for the protagonist. I really want to know what happens in the next chapter.

The first chapter, especially the first sentence, needs to pull a reader into the story and make them crave more.

Category Name: Setting

I don’t know when or where this chapter takes place. The setting was inadequately described or inappropriately used. I know when and where the chapter takes place but I can only vaguely picture it in my mind. The setting did not add to or distract from the chapter. I know when and where the chapter takes place. The setting enhanced the chapter and helped me better understand the characters or plot.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog caused more confusion than clarification about the characters. It was almost impossible to follow. Some of the dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. I could follow the dialog when paying close attention. The dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. The dialog flowed well and was easy to follow.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. Awakening from another restless sleep, Sebastien crawled out of bed to the sound of a rooster crowing in the distant air. The light of the sun drifted through the open window landing on his light brown hair exaggerating the hidden red tint in it. Looking around the large room, he couldn’t help but to feel trapped. The only relief he received was from the shelves holding the many oddities he had collected. In his younger days he collected odd rocks, twisted petrified twigs, and other things that caught his eye. Back then, the town was big enough to quench his desires for freedom, now it was a prison. It was on his eighth birthday during his first father-son outing to mount Algar when he realized his soul and body were not meant to be confined, he was a wanderer. Now, nine years later, even this once enormous island had become his new prison. The fact that he could not leave, not yet at least, only made his desire for freedom stronger.

2. Sebastien dressed quickly not because the others would be waiting on him instead it was to avoid the inevitable morning ritual. Just as he was reaching for the door to leave he heard the dreaded morning knock causing him to nearly loose his balance.

3. “It’s open.” The frustration in his voice caused the tone to be much lower then normal.

4. Sebastien’s older brother Gideon appeared behind the opening door and greeted him with his normal dissatisfied frown promising him yet another unpleasant morning. Though the two brothers looked quiet similar, Sebastien had broader shoulders and was almost a head taller than Gideon who received their mother's read hair and none of their father’s brown.

5. “You’re gonna be late again.” Gideon’s voice remained true to its usual tired and fed-up tone. At least, that is the only tone Sebastien ever heard from him.

6. “I know. I’m hurrying.”

7. Not waiting for and in fact hoping not to receive the all too common discussion, Sebastien slipped past his brother through the door and started towards the stairs.

8. “Stop!”

9. Sebastien’s eyes rolled back as he realized he hadn’t made it. Glancing at the stairs directly in front of him and trying to decide whether or not to make a run for it, he stopped but didn’t turn to face his agitation.

10. “What? You trying to make me late?”

11. “No matter what I do, you’re always mad at me. What do you want me to do? I did not ask to look after you; I want it less than you.” Gideon’s voice trailed off and Sebastien turned around to see his brother staring at the ground. “I would be long gone had dad not put you under my charge.” His voice became quiet. “I should be gone.” Then, as if remembering where he was, he looked back up and resumed his normal voice. “So what am I supposed to do?”

12. Sebastien knew his brother had good intentions, but all his troubles began when his dad died and his brother took over. He couldn’t help but feel resentful towards him; he didn’t need his help. “Just let me be. I can take care of myself.” His voice was not one of contempt, but rather a quite plea. Without listening for a response he went down the stairs and out the door. As he took his first breath of outside air, the smooth cool scent revived him from the night’s confinement. With a light blue sky and only a few white clouds, it was once again a beautiful day.

13. Sebastien was on the outskirts of town, for which he had always been grateful. He was approximately 300 strides from town where the only other sign of civilization was a dirt road guiding him towards his destination. Looking up the great oak trees seemed to be playing with one another as a refreshing breeze gently moved their branches. His eyes focused on his destination, his mind couldn’t help falling onto what had just happened and how much he wished his dad could still be there with him. He could clearly remember the mountain outings he went on with his father which they fondly referred to as “The Mountain Days.” He and his father would go into the mountains for weeks at a time; most importantly they went alone. For Sebastien, there was nothing greater that they could do together than to explore the mountains. Mount Algar was the tallest mountain on the island and was only a fourth of a day’s journey. It wasn’t the height that impressed him the most however; it was the many wonderful secrets. Even after 9 years of their outings, Sebastien had not found a hundredth of those secrets. The ones he had discovered were amazing and of those the most amazing had become Sebastien’s own little private spot of the world.

14. They had been hiking up the mountain when Sebastien fell behind while watching an eagle flying aimlessly through the sky pretending he was doing the same. His father calling brought him out of his daze and into a run only to trip on a rock in his excitement. Landing in a scrub-bush wall outlining the trail he didn‘t receive any serious injury staying down only to get over the shock. His father coming over to make sure he was alright was first to notice the overgrown trail head. As Sebastien noticed his father’s gaze, his face lit up as he knew where their outing would take them.

15. Even though the trail seemed to disappear the further they went, Sebastien’s curiosity and excitement only grew as they arrived at the end. Built into a mountain cavity was a small hut made of a straw-mud mixture and a crudely hung tree-branch-door. After calling for an occupant and not receiving an answer, they entered to find it dusty and abandoned. Inside a straw bed and a small crudely fashioned table were the only signs of previous occupancy. The area near the straw wall was left empty for walking room, though weeds now began to break through the hard rocklike dirt. Fashioning another bed similar to the first, the straw hut became their favorite base camp.

16. It was to this hut that Sebastien found his feet and mind wandering. It was where he longed to be, it was where he needed to be; but, it wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He quickly corrected his feet and headed toward his original destination staring only at the ground in front of him; if only my dad wouldn’t have asked me to continue with my studies.

17. Hearing a large explosion Sebastien looked up almost missing the large fire cloud ascending to the heavens. His heart began racing, it didn’t happen often but when it did he knew a good day was in front of him. Without telling them to, his feet began racing to class. His mind and eyes were focused believing they would soon see the High Elder lecturing his classmates. It is him!

18. The High Elder was the oldest resident of Edien, as well as the most powerful. He was twice as old as the average Edienite but despite his age there was no white hair, no long flowing beard, and no staff to help him get around. He looked like the typical middle age Edienite with short brown hair, broad shoulders, and a tall stature. The only sign of his age came from his careworn face. It was said he lived so long because of his magical prowess and incredibly knowledge of the world. There was no other in Edien that could match him on either account.

19. “You are late again Sebastien. Take your seat quickly. We have already begun.”

20. Not attempting to muster an excuse, he excitedly found his seat next to his friend Janardan.

21. “What did I miss?”

22. “Today he will be showing us how to control fire and wind”

23. “Are we going to be able to make that huge fireball I saw?”

24. “Yea right, I wish. We will be learning how to start a small campfire” Janardan responded with a hushing voice.

25. With that his heart finally slowed and he found his mind wandering back to the mountains. Sebastien had learned this many years ago on his mountain outings from his father. Why must I wait for everyone else to catch up, why can’t someone teach me at my level? Awakened from his daydreams by a sharp jab to this side, he realized the High Elder was waiting on him. Getting up he walked to the makeshift fire pit, placed his hand palm down over the fire, and shot a stream of fire. The fire quickly engulfed the kindling and set the wood ablaze. After getting approval from the High Elder, he returned to his seat ready to watch his friend try. The High Elder reached over the fire summoning it back into his waiting hand.

26. Janardan was the next best in their class and if anyone else could do it he could. Janardan's true skill and passion however was with the sword, not even the teachers equaled him. When fighting he had a commanding air about him but as he stood ready for his current task his lack of confidence was apparent in his trembling hands. Despite the fear it wasn’t long before a tiny flare was seen coming from his hand and a puff of smoke ascended into the air. Receiving the nod of approval he quickly found his seat and dropped onto his chair whispering “I’m glad that’s over.”

27. Sebastien watched as a few others tried, though they took longer then Janardan many were able to repeat his success. An audible gasp was heard as the High Elder began to describe their next task. They were to put out the fire by calling upon wind. Intrigued, his attention was entirely upon the teacher. Sebastien always felt he was the High Elder’s favorite pupil as his classes would often have an extra task that seemed to be for just for him. This couldn't be that task however, it seemed impossible for anyone. Wouldn’t the wind just spread the blaze?

28. “High Elder, wind will just spread the fire won’t it” another echoed Sebestien's thoughts out loud.

29. “That would depend on how you use it.”

30. As he said this, the dirt seemed to circle around the fire creating a make-shift wall around the flames. Suddenly a huge gushing sound was heard as wind crashed down upon the fire vanquishing it. Without another word, he turned to Sebastien and beckoned him toward the reappearing flames now reaching higher then Sebastien could. This time it was Sebastien’s turn for trembling hands. Hoping for help he looked to the High Elder and in turn received a reassuring smile.

31. Not wanting to fail, Sebastien closed his eyes to concentrate on his task. Stretching forth his hand he opened his eyes and began summoning forth the wind. Soon the dust around the fire began to circle. Unlike the previous demonstration however, the dirt was not picked up from the ground and the wind wall was invisible. Though he couldn’t see it with his eyes he could feel it with his hands. He knew where the wind was, which way it was blowing, and that with just a thought he could reverse the direction. Summoning the wind down upon the fire only caused it to burn hotter and spread further out. Startled he pressed down harder and the fire along with his wind-wall gave way to the unseen force. Determined to succeed, Sebastien closed his eyes and remembered the scene in front of him. The world around disappeared and all that was left was the fire, the wind, and his hands trying to suffocate the flames. His hands had become the wind and he was grasping the fire on all sides determined to not let it move. The fire resisted and as he pressed harder the fire scorched his hands. The fire was just too much for him to handle. A voice slowly crept into his thoughts. I know you can do it, you need to do it. You will need it on the mission I have for you, for all of you. A rush of emotion came over him giving him a renewed strength. With one final thrust his wind-hand crashed upon the fire forcing it into the ground; he had done it. Opening his eyes only long enough to see the fire was no longer burning; Sebastien fainted to the ground in exhaustion.

32.

33.

34.

35.

Reviews that have been completed within the last 30 days

  • There are no reviews for this item.