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"Saved but Damned" by scoobyoobiedoos

After Marie finds out that her beloved fiancee was cheating on her, her life takes a sudden turn into a world thought to be myth. Read as she learns how to live in her new life.

Category: Book: 1st Chapter

Tags: Fiction

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Marie

Summer time was coming to an end, which was a painful reminder that classes were about to start again. My only comfort was knowing that this would be my last year of college and I could finally move to San Francisco with my fiancée, Marcus.

As a last hurrah, Marcus and I planned a romantic getaway deep into the forests of Washington. He had finally agreed to stay in the cabin that his dad had left him after his death. Something that he could never seem to overcome. Friday seemed to come slowly and when it did the day seemed to go by even slower. We had planned to meet at his apartment and drive from there.


I left work early and so that I could start my weekend off . My first stop was my apartment for some clothes and then off to Marcus’. When I arrived I was disappointed to see that his car was not there. I thought to myself maybe he got held up at work or traffic. Not giving it another thought I climbed the stairs and used my key to open the door and walked in. There were no lights on and I tripped over some shoes in the walk way. Almost falling flat on my face, I silently cursed Marcus for leaving his shoes in the doorway. Getting to my feet I picked the shoes up and started put them off to the side. But I suddenly realized that the shoes were not Marcus’. I turned the light on and examined the cherry red stilettos in my hand. Personally, I refused wearing heels for the very fact that I would probably trip and break my leg. So the shoes were certainly not mine.

I quietly set the heels down and walked towards his bedroom. My heart was pounding and I could feel tears stinging at my eyes. Immediately I was accusing him of the unforgivable. Inching my way towards the door, I stopped at the humming sound of water coming from the bathroom to my right. The shower. For a moment, I stood at the door quietly listening for any noise. Then with what was left of my emotional stability I opened the door and found something unexpected. Marcus’ eyes met with mine and I could immediately see remorse and regret. But my eyes were no longer on Marcus but on the chiseled 6 foot muscular young man standing next to him. More confused I thought back to the stiletto and again looked at this stranger next to my Marcus. Marcus moved out of the shower and towards me with an outstretched hand. I backed away, tears streaming down my face.

“Marie, let me explain this.” he said softly. Obviously trying to keep the situation light.

“Explain what? There is nothing to explain. I can see what is going on with my own eyes Marcus.” I replied, trying to keep it together. “You’re gay.”

“No, that’s totally not what it is. I am not gay.” he replied.

I had already stopped listening. His lips were moving but I couldn’t hear him anymore. My mind had temporarily left me and I can only remember walking out of the bathroom and back towards the front door. Marcus was running behind me trying to talk his way out of it but I still refused to listen. My body led me to the kitchen and into the wine cooler. My hand grabbed a bottle of red wine and I headed for the front door again. He kept pulling at me yelling for me to stop and talk to him.

“C’mon Marie, we can work this out. This doesn’t have to be the end.” he pleaded.

Till this point I had not faced him but only kept my back to him. But finally I turned around and locked eyes with him. From my finger I took off the five carat engagement ring and handed it to him. His eyes grew large and he looked away from me. This time he did not protest and I walked out the door. My mind still evaded me and I moved zombie like to my car. I got into my car and got on the road. There was really no particular destination I was headed for. But any point far away from here was fine by me. I drove mechanically and opened my bottle of red wine.

The drive was quiet and forgotten. My personal pain killer was doing a good job of numbing whatever pain I was suffering. I drove high and deep into the mountains and I vaguely remembered crossing the Canadian border. But from there everything went black.


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy the chapter. The chapter was okay. I really enjoyed the chapter.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the chapter.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not credible, interesting or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters where somewhat credible, interesting and unique. I partially understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters where credible, interesting and unique. I thoroughly understand their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and started to care about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: The Beginning

The chapter did not introduce a problem. I really don’t want to read the next chapter. The chapter introduces a problem for the protagonist, but I don’t know why it’s important and/or it does not feel like an immediate resolution is needed. I might read the next chapter. The chapter introduced an immediate and important problem for the protagonist. I really want to know what happens in the next chapter.

The first chapter, especially the first sentence, needs to pull a reader into the story and make them crave more.

Category Name: Setting

I don’t know when or where this chapter takes place. The setting was inadequately described or inappropriately used. I know when and where the chapter takes place but I can only vaguely picture it in my mind. The setting did not add to or distract from the chapter. I know when and where the chapter takes place. The setting enhanced the chapter and helped me better understand the characters or plot.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

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Category Name: Dialog

The dialog caused more confusion than clarification about the characters. It was almost impossible to follow. Some of the dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. I could follow the dialog when paying close attention. The dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. The dialog flowed well and was easy to follow.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. Marie

2. Summer time was coming to an end, which was a painful reminder that classes were about to start again. My only comfort was knowing that this would be my last year of college and I could finally move to San Francisco with my fiancée, Marcus.

3. As a last hurrah, Marcus and I planned a romantic getaway deep into the forests of Washington. He had finally agreed to stay in the cabin that his dad had left him after his death. Something that he could never seem to overcome. Friday seemed to come slowly and when it did the day seemed to go by even slower. We had planned to meet at his apartment and drive from there.

4.

5. I left work early and so that I could start my weekend off . My first stop was my apartment for some clothes and then off to Marcus’. When I arrived I was disappointed to see that his car was not there. I thought to myself maybe he got held up at work or traffic. Not giving it another thought I climbed the stairs and used my key to open the door and walked in. There were no lights on and I tripped over some shoes in the walk way. Almost falling flat on my face, I silently cursed Marcus for leaving his shoes in the doorway. Getting to my feet I picked the shoes up and started put them off to the side. But I suddenly realized that the shoes were not Marcus’. I turned the light on and examined the cherry red stilettos in my hand. Personally, I refused wearing heels for the very fact that I would probably trip and break my leg. So the shoes were certainly not mine.

6. I quietly set the heels down and walked towards his bedroom. My heart was pounding and I could feel tears stinging at my eyes. Immediately I was accusing him of the unforgivable. Inching my way towards the door, I stopped at the humming sound of water coming from the bathroom to my right. The shower. For a moment, I stood at the door quietly listening for any noise. Then with what was left of my emotional stability I opened the door and found something unexpected. Marcus’ eyes met with mine and I could immediately see remorse and regret. But my eyes were no longer on Marcus but on the chiseled 6 foot muscular young man standing next to him. More confused I thought back to the stiletto and again looked at this stranger next to my Marcus. Marcus moved out of the shower and towards me with an outstretched hand. I backed away, tears streaming down my face.

7. “Marie, let me explain this.” he said softly. Obviously trying to keep the situation light.

8. “Explain what? There is nothing to explain. I can see what is going on with my own eyes Marcus.” I replied, trying to keep it together. “You’re gay.”

9. “No, that’s totally not what it is. I am not gay.” he replied.

10. I had already stopped listening. His lips were moving but I couldn’t hear him anymore. My mind had temporarily left me and I can only remember walking out of the bathroom and back towards the front door. Marcus was running behind me trying to talk his way out of it but I still refused to listen. My body led me to the kitchen and into the wine cooler. My hand grabbed a bottle of red wine and I headed for the front door again. He kept pulling at me yelling for me to stop and talk to him.

11. “C’mon Marie, we can work this out. This doesn’t have to be the end.” he pleaded.

12. Till this point I had not faced him but only kept my back to him. But finally I turned around and locked eyes with him. From my finger I took off the five carat engagement ring and handed it to him. His eyes grew large and he looked away from me. This time he did not protest and I walked out the door. My mind still evaded me and I moved zombie like to my car. I got into my car and got on the road. There was really no particular destination I was headed for. But any point far away from here was fine by me. I drove mechanically and opened my bottle of red wine.

13. The drive was quiet and forgotten. My personal pain killer was doing a good job of numbing whatever pain I was suffering. I drove high and deep into the mountains and I vaguely remembered crossing the Canadian border. But from there everything went black.

14.

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