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"What After Mourning" by Chris_Weallans

What happens after you've stpped mourning. It doesn't just go away

Category: Poetry

Tags: mouning, untimely death, recovery, keeping on

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What After Mourning

By Chris Weallans

 

There is in my mind's eye

a slow low shimmer of light.

It broadens into a dawn

Of haze and blue formlessness.


Like a rolling far off wave

swelling from the deep to crash

against the sandy shingle;

the ribbon of my shoreline.


It beckons with undertow

to step and tread the waters,

to swim for other futures,

away from mawkish ennui


She gave the world a beauty

With a cadence of rainbows

but faded too soon from life

to sleep in the clogging earth


I stand on needles turning

Away from the tracing tears

The empty invisible

Street map of my dark sorrow


No tantalising sparkle

to tease these dry eyes away

But still unmistakable

The gleam of some early dawn


glows in the east of my life.

Yet this sun, not so blaring,

has in it the nodding shade

of leaves that dapple shadows.


I’d rather like to see her

To taste her refreshing smiles

or wander in aimless light

with the rich air between us.


But I see her in dapples

I catch her eye in shadows

Better a shaded beauty

Than a thousand sad goodbyes


 




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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. What After Mourning

2. By Chris Weallans

3.  

4. There is in my mind's eye

5. a slow low shimmer of light.

6. It broadens into a dawn

7. Of haze and blue formlessness.

8.

9. Like a rolling far off wave

10. swelling from the deep to crash

11. against the sandy shingle;

12. the ribbon of my shoreline.

13.

14. It beckons with undertow

15. to step and tread the waters,

16. to swim for other futures,

17. away from mawkish ennui

18.

19. She gave the world a beauty

20. With a cadence of rainbows

21. but faded too soon from life

22. to sleep in the clogging earth

23.

24. I stand on needles turning

25. Away from the tracing tears

26. The empty invisible

27. Street map of my dark sorrow

28.

29. No tantalising sparkle

30. to tease these dry eyes away

31. But still unmistakable

32. The gleam of some early dawn

33.

34. glows in the east of my life.

35. Yet this sun, not so blaring,

36. has in it the nodding shade

37. of leaves that dapple shadows.

38.

39. I’d rather like to see her

40. To taste her refreshing smiles

41. or wander in aimless light

42. with the rich air between us.

43.

44. But I see her in dapples

45. I catch her eye in shadows

46. Better a shaded beauty

47. Than a thousand sad goodbyes

48.

49.  

50.

51.

52.

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