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"Out there" by Chris_Weallans

The sheer joy of being

Category: Poetry

Tags: Excitement, enthusiasm, joy, POW!

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OUT THERE….

By Chris Weallans


Eager Saturday charmed

With threads of excitement

Pulsing in my skin

Willing to chase the schoolboy morning

With rattling bicycles beyond the hills.

.

That eruption of exuberance

That thrills the dawn with light

And dances flowers in the breeze

While all the beds wallow

With feint stirrings and snuffled breath

To break the snoring drift

Towards the eye glistening moment of waking.


And when all these senses rush at once

To ferret out new contours of my flesh

To dance their whirligig explosions in my blood

I stutter out the flush and form in words

Darting thus and fro across the screen

like electric jangling

From the dangling fingers

That tremble on the hammering keys

As if some magic notion could fluster

Beyond the moments of my joy.


My soul aches to be OUT THERE!!!!

Beyond those moments of joy

Beyond the sleeping bedrooms

Beyond the bicycles

Beyond the hills and the flowers and the sky

I want to spiral and twist like galaxies

And dance with planets on the pin cushion dark

Sparkled with stars and clustered nebulae.

If only the flesh and stringy sinew of my body would give way

And let these feelings fever into every cranny of the world.


I really can’t believe, sometimes,

That all this sense of being

Could be contained in me.







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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. OUT THERE….

2. By Chris Weallans

3.

4. Eager Saturday charmed

5. With threads of excitement

6. Pulsing in my skin

7. Willing to chase the schoolboy morning

8. With rattling bicycles beyond the hills.

9. .

10. That eruption of exuberance

11. That thrills the dawn with light

12. And dances flowers in the breeze

13. While all the beds wallow

14. With feint stirrings and snuffled breath

15. To break the snoring drift

16. Towards the eye glistening moment of waking.

17.

18. And when all these senses rush at once

19. To ferret out new contours of my flesh

20. To dance their whirligig explosions in my blood

21. I stutter out the flush and form in words

22. Darting thus and fro across the screen

23. like electric jangling

24. From the dangling fingers

25. That tremble on the hammering keys

26. As if some magic notion could fluster

27. Beyond the moments of my joy.

28.

29. My soul aches to be OUT THERE!!!!

30. Beyond those moments of joy

31. Beyond the sleeping bedrooms

32. Beyond the bicycles

33. Beyond the hills and the flowers and the sky

34. I want to spiral and twist like galaxies

35. And dance with planets on the pin cushion dark

36. Sparkled with stars and clustered nebulae.

37. If only the flesh and stringy sinew of my body would give way

38. And let these feelings fever into every cranny of the world.

39.

40. I really can’t believe, sometimes,

41. That all this sense of being

42. Could be contained in me.

43.

44.

45.

46.

47.

48.

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