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"I HAVE A SECRET IF I TELL YOU WELL YOU STILL LOVE ME 1?" by blueconflower23

Story is abou a girl name Danielle Mason who is now moving to go to a boeding high school she is 17 yrs. old also is vampire

Category: Book: 1st Chapter

Tags: Life, Change, Boys,

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My name is Danielle Mason and I am currently on my way to my new school PacificIslandAcademy. Today my Aunt Dana woke me up at six in the morning an said “Danielle honey wake up you’re going to your new school today” I jump out of my bed and said “What are you talking about?” she said “we can talk about this after your done getting a shower and packing your stuff ”. After my shower I packed all my stuff and walked down stairs an asked my Aunt Dana for an explanation she said “well your parents want you to go to a really good school and the best school is in California and it’s a boarding school” I said “wonderful” I said rolling my eyes I grabbed my phone and calling my best friend Karen. She said “guess what” I said “what” she said “I am going to a boarding school” I said “where, when” she said “I am leaving soon and it is in California” I big smile was on my face I said “is the school called Pacific Island Academy” Karen said hold on let me ask my mom after a couple of seconds she said “yes why” I screamed in the phone and said “I am going to that school too” she started screaming too. After we were both done screaming we both asked if we could go together so when the driver came Karen was already in the limousine I hugged my Aunt Dana and said “I am going to miss you” she “I am going to miss you too”. Now Karen and I were on the plane on the plane I noticed this guy with black shoulder with hair he turn around and looked right at me then pulled out a journal and started writing something done. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was so I got up and walked right past him it was a drawing of me he noticed that I was just standing there staring at the picture he looked up at me and said “hi do you like the drawing?” I said “yeah it’s beautiful” the flight attendant ruined us taking by said “miss you need to go back to you seat” I went back to my seat an started dreaming about him. Again someone ruined my thought it was Karen saying “how long have I been asleep?” I said “I don’t know but I met this hot guy” Karen rolled her eyes and said “I am going back to sleep” all throughout the flight we look at each I was hoping he was going to Pacific Island Academy too, please let him go to Pacific Island Academy

 


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy the chapter. The chapter was okay. I really enjoyed the chapter.

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Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not credible, interesting or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters where somewhat credible, interesting and unique. I partially understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters where credible, interesting and unique. I thoroughly understand their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and started to care about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: The Beginning

The chapter did not introduce a problem. I really don’t want to read the next chapter. The chapter introduces a problem for the protagonist, but I don’t know why it’s important and/or it does not feel like an immediate resolution is needed. I might read the next chapter. The chapter introduced an immediate and important problem for the protagonist. I really want to know what happens in the next chapter.

The first chapter, especially the first sentence, needs to pull a reader into the story and make them crave more.

Category Name: Setting

I don’t know when or where this chapter takes place. The setting was inadequately described or inappropriately used. I know when and where the chapter takes place but I can only vaguely picture it in my mind. The setting did not add to or distract from the chapter. I know when and where the chapter takes place. The setting enhanced the chapter and helped me better understand the characters or plot.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

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Category Name: Dialog

The dialog caused more confusion than clarification about the characters. It was almost impossible to follow. Some of the dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. I could follow the dialog when paying close attention. The dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. The dialog flowed well and was easy to follow.

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1. My name is Danielle Mason and I am currently on my way to my new school PacificIslandAcademy. Today my Aunt Dana woke me up at six in the morning an said “Danielle honey wake up you’re going to your new school today” I jump out of my bed and said “What are you talking about?” she said “we can talk about this after your done getting a shower and packing your stuff ”. After my shower I packed all my stuff and walked down stairs an asked my Aunt Dana for an explanation she said “well your parents want you to go to a really good school and the best school is in California and it’s a boarding school” I said “wonderful” I said rolling my eyes I grabbed my phone and calling my best friend Karen. She said “guess what” I said “what” she said “I am going to a boarding school” I said “where, when” she said “I am leaving soon and it is in California” I big smile was on my face I said “is the school called Pacific Island Academy” Karen said hold on let me ask my mom after a couple of seconds she said “yes why” I screamed in the phone and said “I am going to that school too” she started screaming too. After we were both done screaming we both asked if we could go together so when the driver came Karen was already in the limousine I hugged my Aunt Dana and said “I am going to miss you” she “I am going to miss you too”. Now Karen and I were on the plane on the plane I noticed this guy with black shoulder with hair he turn around and looked right at me then pulled out a journal and started writing something done. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was so I got up and walked right past him it was a drawing of me he noticed that I was just standing there staring at the picture he looked up at me and said “hi do you like the drawing?” I said “yeah it’s beautiful” the flight attendant ruined us taking by said “miss you need to go back to you seat” I went back to my seat an started dreaming about him. Again someone ruined my thought it was Karen saying “how long have I been asleep?” I said “I don’t know but I met this hot guy” Karen rolled her eyes and said “I am going back to sleep” all throughout the flight we look at each I was hoping he was going to Pacific Island Academy too, please let him go to Pacific Island Academy

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