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"The Battle" by Reigine

A poem about being the last one left, about being completely alone on the battle field, about understanding the loss of the lives on both sides of the war.

Category: Contests / Poetry Contest (Open Theme)

Tags: war, battle, blood, death, horse, steed, corruption, killing, death, sword, king, country

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The Battle



The fear is intense. The fear is a spider

It’s crawling in my skin

It crawls into my guts. They squirm

My arms and legs spasm

I swing my sword one last time

Into a man. A man with a life.

As he falls he looks me, in the eye

Jaw hanging open. The anger in his eyes

Gone.

All emotion. Gone

Hundreds of men on horseback

Riding into battle.

They know what is to come

Never mind which side they are on

They are still the same

Willing to kill for what they believe is right

What they believe is good.

They do not know as I do

What its like to be the last survivor

They do not think as I do, they are young

For I,

The beauty of war, the battle dance

Lost its ugly charm the instant metal met flesh.

The rivers of red do not yet run dry though.

A once noble steed lies dieing before me

It heaves it’s last breath as its fatal wound

Bleeds its honour on the dirty earth.

The life leaves the creature, it’s eyes grow dull

The sweat stings my eyes blurring my vision.

I stand up, swaying, leaning on my sword.

I can taste the battle, the blood is in the air

I cannot help but breath it in.

It envelopes my tainted soul

There is no glory in war.

Nothing noble about killing for king and country

Nothing, nothing at all.


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1.

2. The Battle

3.

4.

5. The fear is intense. The fear is a spider

6. It’s crawling in my skin

7. It crawls into my guts. They squirm

8. My arms and legs spasm

9. I swing my sword one last time

10. Into a man. A man with a life.

11. As he falls he looks me, in the eye

12. Jaw hanging open. The anger in his eyes

13. Gone.

14. All emotion. Gone

15. Hundreds of men on horseback

16. Riding into battle.

17. They know what is to come

18. Never mind which side they are on

19. They are still the same

20. Willing to kill for what they believe is right

21. What they believe is good.

22. They do not know as I do

23. What its like to be the last survivor

24. They do not think as I do, they are young

25. For I,

26. The beauty of war, the battle dance

27. Lost its ugly charm the instant metal met flesh.

28. The rivers of red do not yet run dry though.

29. A once noble steed lies dieing before me

30. It heaves it’s last breath as its fatal wound

31. Bleeds its honour on the dirty earth.

32. The life leaves the creature, it’s eyes grow dull

33. The sweat stings my eyes blurring my vision.

34. I stand up, swaying, leaning on my sword.

35. I can taste the battle, the blood is in the air

36. I cannot help but breath it in.

37. It envelopes my tainted soul

38. There is no glory in war.

39. Nothing noble about killing for king and country

40. Nothing, nothing at all.

41.

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