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"Moccasin waters of Titicaca" by skondeti

This poem is about a child who enters the world of nature and imagines all the wonderful things nature has to give him/her.

Category: Contests / August Poetry

Tags: Fantasy, Dreams, Lakes, Trumpets, Horns, Lake, Water, Doves, Goose, Paddle, Leaves, Sun, Feather, Clouds, Ground, Happiness, Dreams, Nature, Lake, Sky, Safe, Death

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The silent sounds of the night coming through

I will return once more

I hope to see the blue lake and rocky shores

The joy of a stranger in the face of a girl

If my friend does not come

I will blow my silver trumpet

Together we will call the doves from up above

Watch them fade away

Slowly, I dip my paddle in the calm lake

Hear the twinkling of the water

I must enjoy time because I won't be here for long

I see the beautiful silver drops of dew

Dropping from a leaf

Let the moose wander about

Paddle as the darkness awaits

Exit on the other side

Good night you whisper on the run

See the sun a lenghty time later

Wish to return once more

Meet the stranger of the mountains

Have your dreams come true

Watch a feather dip the lake as a goose flies overhead

If thy not come to no extent

Blow my golden horn

The clouds above us anger at will

Hear the silent pitter- patter of Titicaca

The silver drops feed the ground

It fades away

As brisk as it came

A silent world among the mountains

Scale the ridges

One need not fear

A single mistep and you might face death

Float on a lake

See the sky

This land has no restrictions

No dangers

Or any worries

Ever...


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. The silent sounds of the night coming through

2. I will return once more

3. I hope to see the blue lake and rocky shores

4. The joy of a stranger in the face of a girl

5. If my friend does not come

6. I will blow my silver trumpet

7. Together we will call the doves from up above

8. Watch them fade away

9. Slowly, I dip my paddle in the calm lake

10. Hear the twinkling of the water

11. I must enjoy time because I won't be here for long

12. I see the beautiful silver drops of dew

13. Dropping from a leaf

14. Let the moose wander about

15. Paddle as the darkness awaits

16. Exit on the other side

17. Good night you whisper on the run

18. See the sun a lenghty time later

19. Wish to return once more

20. Meet the stranger of the mountains

21. Have your dreams come true

22. Watch a feather dip the lake as a goose flies overhead

23. If thy not come to no extent

24. Blow my golden horn

25. The clouds above us anger at will

26. Hear the silent pitter- patter of Titicaca

27. The silver drops feed the ground

28. It fades away

29. As brisk as it came

30. A silent world among the mountains

31. Scale the ridges

32. One need not fear

33. A single mistep and you might face death

34. Float on a lake

35. See the sky

36. This land has no restrictions

37. No dangers

38. Or any worries

39. Ever...

40.

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