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"Apocalypse for Two (hopeful successful upload)" by billy

A couple has one last date before the end of the world. NOTE: This was originally written using screenwriting software, and converting it into a text document seriously messed up the format, so I did my best to make it work... but it only did so so.

Category: Short Story

Tags: Play

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.


APOCALYPSE FOR TWO, OR: FLOWER PICKING ON THE EVE OF ARMAGEDDON

Lights gently fade in to reveal a sparse set, made

up just enough to clearly be a restaurant. There

are several tables, a reservation stand, a small

bar with drinks and specials listed above it. The

place looks like a ghost of itself, seeming

theoretically functional, but very desolate. It

has charm, an intimate feel. It is a sad and

hopeful sight.

BOY

(off stage)

Hello?

Enter BOY, from left, a young man of about 18. He

carries a picnic basket. He is slightly

apprehensive but clearly excited, with youthful

boldness. He looks around for brief moments,

confirming that the place is vacant. He calls out

once more:

BOY

Hello!

Confident now, he smiles and rushes excitedly back

to where he entered. He returns a moment later,

pulling GIRL by the hand, who equals him in

eagerness and apprehension. She carries a small

cooler. The boy walks ahead of her, seeming to

bask in the emptiness.

BOY

It’s perfect.

She kisses him, then walks around a bit.

GIRL

I always liked it here.

BOY

Well... reservations were hard to come by... so...

(picks up reservation book and is

suddenly surprised)

Oh my god

GIRL

What?

BOY

(disbelief)

There are reservations here... for tonight.

GIRL

(shakes head)

Things changed pretty fast...

GIRL

You could argue for the better

BOY

(slight change in demeanor)

I guess so

(looks around, notices bar with list of

drinks above it)

Hey! What’s that classy expensive drink you like?

GIRL

Tea?

BOY

I think it was maybe something more specific... like...

ah! Ivory Chai Latte?

GIRL

Oh yeah! That’s a good one.

BOY

Well normally here that’s four something... but...

(leans on the bar and looks around, as

though expecting service)

the service here is sorta lackluster... so maybe I’ll

just whip it up myself for a discount! I used to work

at a coffee house.

He goes around to behind the counter, bends over

and rummages through shelves, but comes back up

disappointed.

GIRL

What?

BOY

Apparently things did not happen quite so fast that

they left the drink mixes.

GIRL

(rolling eyes)

Baby...

He walks over and they embrace, kiss, both very

happy. They look at each other for several moments

and then she turns, taking her coat off and

putting it on the back of a seat. As she does

this, he excitedly unbuttons starts to unbutton

his shirt. She turns back, surprised.

GIRL

(laughing)

What are you doing?

BOY

(confused, embarrassed)

It’s the end of the world...

GIRL

(shaking her head, going to get cooler)

Not right now, babe. We’ve got a couple hours. Calm

down.

He reluctantly buttons up his shirt.

She removes two canteens from the cooler, puts

them on a table.

BOY

(at the canteens, sarcastic

dissatisfaction)

Seriously?

GIRL

What?

BOY

It’s the apocalypse and you’re giving me a glass of

water?

GIRL

I’m sure there will be plenty of soda in hell.

BOY

Oh and that’s where I’m headed?

GIRL

See you there.

BOY

Hm. Doesn’t sound so bad then.

GIRL

(smiles, sips water)

You don’t even like soda, and this is one night I’ll

have sex with you sober, so I thought water would do.

BOY

It’ll do! And you’re right about the soda and booze...

they wouldn’t really fit the bill. I’m more of a

lemonade guy though. You know that.

GIRL

Life never gave me enough lemons to live up to your

standards.

BOY

(seeming offended)

What the hell’s that supposed to mean?

GIRL

Relax, I’m joking.

BOY

Nobody jokes. Jokes are the truth but funny. And mean.

GIRL

You’re ridiculous.

BOY

You’re trying to tell me something. And tonight of all

times!

GIRL

Babe, would you stop-

BOY

(cutting her off)

You have the perfect amount of lemons! You always have.

GIRL

(smiles, shakes her head)

Well thank you, because I was hoping there wouldn’t be

much more drama tonight...

BOY

I promise there won’t be. Besides...

(Picks up picnic basket)

Water is actually the perfect complement to our main

course!

He opens up the basket and takes out bread, peanut

butter, jelly, and necessary implements.

BOY

(proud, excited)

Right?

Both of them start making sandwiches.

GIRL

Sure. Oh... but you do like milk with these...

Quickly after she says this, almost interrupting

herself, she jumps a bit and is suddenly sad.

GIRL

Oh! The cows...

He grabs her hand, looks sad too.

BOY

Baby... they’re better off. They don’t know what’s

comin. They say it’s all gonna happen pretty much in an

instant... so... the only thing to worry about is

worrying about it.

GIRL

(considers)

I sort of wish nobody had found out...

BOY

Yeah... I know what you mean... but then we might not

be here tonight, you know? Or, even if we were, it’d be

a lot more crowded and expensive. People are great...

but too much of a good thing kind of makes the best

things a little worse... if that makes any sense...

GIRL

I know what you mean. I’m glad we’re here. People are

stupid.

BOY

I couldn’t agree more. Why spend your last day of

guaranteed life just worrying about being dead

tomorrow?

GIRL

(getting serious, stops making sandwich

to speak)

It’s just... walking over here... it was so quiet and

nice and pretty. The leaves... with all their colors...

everything must’ve been so nice before we got here.

BOY

Maybe the world ended a long time ago. This is just the

epilogue.

GIRL

Maybe. I’m just saying... everybody’s off underground

and everything... but up here... I can’t imagine

anything else I’d want to run toward.

BOY

You’re absolutely beautiful sweetheart. You absolutely

are.

GIRL

So are you. I just think, even though we did pretty

much everything wrong in taking care of it... it

would’ve been nice for the majority of mankind to end

their existence with the outside world. It would’ve

been like that if nobody had found out.

BOY

Well, it was all on pretty short notice, if that’s any

consolation...

GIRL

(suddenly more bitter)

Just time enough for the rest of the world to run to

the tunnels and safehouses.

BOY

(mulls it over... pauses in his sandwich

making process)

It’s a pretty pathetic ending I guess.

GIRL

It’s not a surprise

BOY

Babe... even in the context of the apocalypse... this

is pretty cynical talk about our fellow mankind...

GIRL

(done with sandwich making, leaves it in

front of her)

You know... if this whole thing was made up, I don’t

think it would even make a difference.

BOY

(adding jelly)

What do you mean?

GIRL

I mean, even if the world doesn’t end, I’m pretty sure

you and me will still be the only two people that could

tell.

(pauses, looks at him still making

sandwich)

Would you hurry up with that?

BOY

This is the most important meal I’ve ever made in my

life. I’m not going to ruin it with sloppily

distributed jelly.

He carefully finishes the sandwich, and they

trade. Both start eating.

BOY

Let’s not worry about all this. We can worry about it

tomorrow.

GIRL

No we can’t.

BOY

Then why on earth should it matter tonight?

GIRL

I like you.

BOY

You’re okay.

He sits back, looks around, sees flowers on the

bar. They are practically dead, but he goes to get

them anyway. With his back to her, trying not to

let her see, he attempts to fix them as nicely as

he can. It is futile. He goes back and presents

them to her.

GIRL

(feigns inordinate excitement)

Oh! For me?

He gives something of an exaggeratedly humbled

bow, as if to say, "of course." He sits back down.

GIRL

Thank you.

BOY

You know, these may be the last flowers ever picked on

this planet with a girl in mind.

GIRL

(laughs)

I bet every girl in every safehouse in the entire world

is hearing some form of those same words right about

now.

He looks a bit disappointed.

GIRL

These are my favorite though.

BOY

***** right they are. How’s the last supper?

GIRL

Jelly’s sorta all over the place.

BOY

Your face is sorta all over the place.

GIRL

Yeah?

Boy nods adamantly. He slows down and they both,

nearly done with their sandwiches, take a moment

just to look at each other. They exchange strange

faces, as if battling to see who can lift one

eyebrow higher than the other.

BOY

You think a lot of people’s consciences are catching up

with em tonight?

GIRL

Oh I’m sure of it.

BOY

Yeah. I guess that was a stupid question. But I mean

like... this all happened so fast. I think it’s the

well mannered, polite gentlemen types that should feel

the best. Decency was getting so scarce, you know? I’d

rather know I was decent than have accomplished some

big thing. Luckily being here with you tells me I

must’ve done both.

GIRL

You did pretty good babe.

BOY

Pretty well.

GIRL

Not perfect though.

BOY

I think automatic doors are what killed chivalry.

GIRL

I don’t know. How about the decline of male

role models?

BOY

Eh. Maybe. Mostly the doors though.

Brief pause. They both finish up the sandwiches,

she starts eating small spoonfuls of raw jelly.

He, being the normal one, has a bit more peanut

butter.

BOY

Know what the thing about you is?

GIRL

What?

BOY

You make all of this seem like an adventure. Like it’s

worth it, no matter what, if just for the memories.

GIRL

Even if we don’t live to remember them?

He nods.

GIRL

I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.

BOY

We’re supposed to wanna be the last people on earth? To

feel like it’s all just a grand ol time?

GIRL

Shut up. You said we’d talk about it tomorrow.

BOY

I said we’d worry about it tomorrow. I’m not worried.

Not at all.

They look at each other.

GIRL

I love you

BOY

I love you

They hold hands and kiss over the table, then draw

back, look at each other very briefly, then both

decide to kiss again before fully reclining. He

checks his watch.

BOY

So we should probably go do it now.

She takes his wrist and checks the time for

herself.

GIRL

Probably.

They get up and begin to leave, holding hands. He

stops as they are near the exit, fumbles through

his pocket, takes out a couple of dollars and

leaves them on the table.

GIRL

What’s that for?

BOY

(shrugs)

This place was always so expensive

Exit. Dim out. World ends, etc.

EL FIN


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1.

2. APOCALYPSE FOR TWO, OR: FLOWER PICKING ON THE EVE OF ARMAGEDDON

3. Lights gently fade in to reveal a sparse set, made

4. up just enough to clearly be a restaurant. There

5. are several tables, a reservation stand, a small

6. bar with drinks and specials listed above it. The

7. place looks like a ghost of itself, seeming

8. theoretically functional, but very desolate. It

9. has charm, an intimate feel. It is a sad and

10. hopeful sight.

11. BOY

12. (off stage)

13. Hello?

14. Enter BOY, from left, a young man of about 18. He

15. carries a picnic basket. He is slightly

16. apprehensive but clearly excited, with youthful

17. boldness. He looks around for brief moments,

18. confirming that the place is vacant. He calls out

19. once more:

20. BOY

21. Hello!

22. Confident now, he smiles and rushes excitedly back

23. to where he entered. He returns a moment later,

24. pulling GIRL by the hand, who equals him in

25. eagerness and apprehension. She carries a small

26. cooler. The boy walks ahead of her, seeming to

27. bask in the emptiness.

28. BOY

29. It’s perfect.

30. She kisses him, then walks around a bit.

31. GIRL

32. I always liked it here.

33. BOY

34. Well... reservations were hard to come by... so...

35. (picks up reservation book and is

36. suddenly surprised)

37. Oh my god

38. GIRL

39. What?

40. BOY

41. (disbelief)

42. There are reservations here... for tonight.

43. GIRL

44. (shakes head)

45. Things changed pretty fast...

46. GIRL

47. You could argue for the better

48. BOY

49. (slight change in demeanor)

50. I guess so

51. (looks around, notices bar with list of

52. drinks above it)

53. Hey! What’s that classy expensive drink you like?

54. GIRL

55. Tea?

56. BOY

57. I think it was maybe something more specific... like...

58. ah! Ivory Chai Latte?

59. GIRL

60. Oh yeah! That’s a good one.

61. BOY

62. Well normally here that’s four something... but...

63. (leans on the bar and looks around, as

64. though expecting service)

65. the service here is sorta lackluster... so maybe I’ll

66. just whip it up myself for a discount! I used to work

67. at a coffee house.

68. He goes around to behind the counter, bends over

69. and rummages through shelves, but comes back up

70. disappointed.

71. GIRL

72. What?

73. BOY

74. Apparently things did not happen quite so fast that

75. they left the drink mixes.

76. GIRL

77. (rolling eyes)

78. Baby...

79. He walks over and they embrace, kiss, both very

80. happy. They look at each other for several moments

81. and then she turns, taking her coat off and

82. putting it on the back of a seat. As she does

83. this, he excitedly unbuttons starts to unbutton

84. his shirt. She turns back, surprised.

85. GIRL

86. (laughing)

87. What are you doing?

88. BOY

89. (confused, embarrassed)

90. It’s the end of the world...

91. GIRL

92. (shaking her head, going to get cooler)

93. Not right now, babe. We’ve got a couple hours. Calm

94. down.

95. He reluctantly buttons up his shirt.

96. She removes two canteens from the cooler, puts

97. them on a table.

98.

99. BOY

100. (at the canteens, sarcastic

101. dissatisfaction)

102. Seriously?

103. GIRL

104. What?

105. BOY

106. It’s the apocalypse and you’re giving me a glass of

107. water?

108. GIRL

109. I’m sure there will be plenty of soda in hell.

110. BOY

111. Oh and that’s where I’m headed?

112. GIRL

113. See you there.

114. BOY

115. Hm. Doesn’t sound so bad then.

116. GIRL

117. (smiles, sips water)

118. You don’t even like soda, and this is one night I’ll

119. have sex with you sober, so I thought water would do.

120. BOY

121. It’ll do! And you’re right about the soda and booze...

122. they wouldn’t really fit the bill. I’m more of a

123. lemonade guy though. You know that.

124. GIRL

125. Life never gave me enough lemons to live up to your

126. standards.

127. BOY

128. (seeming offended)

129. What the hell’s that supposed to mean?

130. GIRL

131. Relax, I’m joking.

132. BOY

133. Nobody jokes. Jokes are the truth but funny. And mean.

134. GIRL

135. You’re ridiculous.

136. BOY

137. You’re trying to tell me something. And tonight of all

138. times!

139. GIRL

140. Babe, would you stop-

141. BOY

142. (cutting her off)

143. You have the perfect amount of lemons! You always have.

144. GIRL

145. (smiles, shakes her head)

146. Well thank you, because I was hoping there wouldn’t be

147. much more drama tonight...

148. BOY

149. I promise there won’t be. Besides...

150. (Picks up picnic basket)

151. Water is actually the perfect complement to our main

152. course!

153. He opens up the basket and takes out bread, peanut

154. butter, jelly, and necessary implements.

155. BOY

156. (proud, excited)

157. Right?

158. Both of them start making sandwiches.

159. GIRL

160. Sure. Oh... but you do like milk with these...

161. Quickly after she says this, almost interrupting

162. herself, she jumps a bit and is suddenly sad.

163. GIRL

164. Oh! The cows...

165. He grabs her hand, looks sad too.

166. BOY

167. Baby... they’re better off. They don’t know what’s

168. comin. They say it’s all gonna happen pretty much in an

169. instant... so... the only thing to worry about is

170. worrying about it.

171.

172. GIRL

173. (considers)

174. I sort of wish nobody had found out...

175. BOY

176. Yeah... I know what you mean... but then we might not

177. be here tonight, you know? Or, even if we were, it’d be

178. a lot more crowded and expensive. People are great...

179. but too much of a good thing kind of makes the best

180. things a little worse... if that makes any sense...

181. GIRL

182. I know what you mean. I’m glad we’re here. People are

183. stupid.

184. BOY

185. I couldn’t agree more. Why spend your last day of

186. guaranteed life just worrying about being dead

187. tomorrow?

188. GIRL

189. (getting serious, stops making sandwich

190. to speak)

191. It’s just... walking over here... it was so quiet and

192. nice and pretty. The leaves... with all their colors...

193. everything must’ve been so nice before we got here.

194. BOY

195. Maybe the world ended a long time ago. This is just the

196. epilogue.

197. GIRL

198. Maybe. I’m just saying... everybody’s off underground

199. and everything... but up here... I can’t imagine

200. anything else I’d want to run toward.

201. BOY

202. You’re absolutely beautiful sweetheart. You absolutely

203. are.

204. GIRL

205. So are you. I just think, even though we did pretty

206. much everything wrong in taking care of it... it

207. would’ve been nice for the majority of mankind to end

208. their existence with the outside world. It would’ve

209. been like that if nobody had found out.

210. BOY

211. Well, it was all on pretty short notice, if that’s any

212. consolation...

213. GIRL

214. (suddenly more bitter)

215. Just time enough for the rest of the world to run to

216. the tunnels and safehouses.

217. BOY

218. (mulls it over... pauses in his sandwich

219. making process)

220. It’s a pretty pathetic ending I guess.

221. GIRL

222. It’s not a surprise

223. BOY

224. Babe... even in the context of the apocalypse... this

225. is pretty cynical talk about our fellow mankind...

226. GIRL

227. (done with sandwich making, leaves it in

228. front of her)

229. You know... if this whole thing was made up, I don’t

230. think it would even make a difference.

231. BOY

232. (adding jelly)

233. What do you mean?

234. GIRL

235. I mean, even if the world doesn’t end, I’m pretty sure

236. you and me will still be the only two people that could

237. tell.

238. (pauses, looks at him still making

239. sandwich)

240. Would you hurry up with that?

241. BOY

242. This is the most important meal I’ve ever made in my

243. life. I’m not going to ruin it with sloppily

244. distributed jelly.

245. He carefully finishes the sandwich, and they

246. trade. Both start eating.

247. BOY

248. Let’s not worry about all this. We can worry about it

249. tomorrow.

250. GIRL

251. No we can’t.

252. BOY

253. Then why on earth should it matter tonight?

254. GIRL

255. I like you.

256. BOY

257. You’re okay.

258. He sits back, looks around, sees flowers on the

259. bar. They are practically dead, but he goes to get

260. them anyway. With his back to her, trying not to

261. let her see, he attempts to fix them as nicely as

262. he can. It is futile. He goes back and presents

263. them to her.

264. GIRL

265. (feigns inordinate excitement)

266. Oh! For me?

267. He gives something of an exaggeratedly humbled

268. bow, as if to say, "of course." He sits back down.

269. GIRL

270. Thank you.

271. BOY

272. You know, these may be the last flowers ever picked on

273. this planet with a girl in mind.

274. GIRL

275. (laughs)

276. I bet every girl in every safehouse in the entire world

277. is hearing some form of those same words right about

278. now.

279. He looks a bit disappointed.

280. GIRL

281. These are my favorite though.

282. BOY

283. ***** right they are. How’s the last supper?

284. GIRL

285. Jelly’s sorta all over the place.

286. BOY

287. Your face is sorta all over the place.

288. GIRL

289. Yeah?

290. Boy nods adamantly. He slows down and they both,

291. nearly done with their sandwiches, take a moment

292. just to look at each other. They exchange strange

293. faces, as if battling to see who can lift one

294. eyebrow higher than the other.

295. BOY

296. You think a lot of people’s consciences are catching up

297. with em tonight?

298. GIRL

299. Oh I’m sure of it.

300. BOY

301. Yeah. I guess that was a stupid question. But I mean

302. like... this all happened so fast. I think it’s the

303. well mannered, polite gentlemen types that should feel

304. the best. Decency was getting so scarce, you know? I’d

305. rather know I was decent than have accomplished some

306. big thing. Luckily being here with you tells me I

307. must’ve done both.

308. GIRL

309. You did pretty good babe.

310. BOY

311. Pretty well.

312. GIRL

313. Not perfect though.

314. BOY

315. I think automatic doors are what killed chivalry.

316. GIRL

317. I don’t know. How about the decline of male

318. role models?

319. BOY

320. Eh. Maybe. Mostly the doors though.

321. Brief pause. They both finish up the sandwiches,

322. she starts eating small spoonfuls of raw jelly.

323. He, being the normal one, has a bit more peanut

324. butter.

325. BOY

326. Know what the thing about you is?

327. GIRL

328. What?

329. BOY

330. You make all of this seem like an adventure. Like it’s

331. worth it, no matter what, if just for the memories.

332. GIRL

333. Even if we don’t live to remember them?

334. He nods.

335. GIRL

336. I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.

337. BOY

338. We’re supposed to wanna be the last people on earth? To

339. feel like it’s all just a grand ol time?

340. GIRL

341. Shut up. You said we’d talk about it tomorrow.

342. BOY

343. I said we’d worry about it tomorrow. I’m not worried.

344. Not at all.

345. They look at each other.

346. GIRL

347. I love you

348. BOY

349. I love you

350. They hold hands and kiss over the table, then draw

351. back, look at each other very briefly, then both

352. decide to kiss again before fully reclining. He

353. checks his watch.

354. BOY

355. So we should probably go do it now.

356. She takes his wrist and checks the time for

357. herself.

358. GIRL

359. Probably.

360. They get up and begin to leave, holding hands. He

361. stops as they are near the exit, fumbles through

362. his pocket, takes out a couple of dollars and

363. leaves them on the table.

364. GIRL

365. What’s that for?

366. BOY

367. (shrugs)

368. This place was always so expensive

369. Exit. Dim out. World ends, etc.

370. EL FIN

371.

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