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"Faded But Not Forgotten" by shnaclkng

The story of a time when tragedy struck my family.

Category: Short Story

Tags: Non-fiction, Hurricane, Sad

You can do an inline review of this work in the review tab.

My dad pulls into the driveway at my grandma's. I smile because now I know he’s okay. Even though it’s raining, I run to his big, grey SUV. My smile fades as he rolls down his window; his eyes are red and puffy with tears spilling over. He starts to explain, and although his mouth is moving, no sound is coming out. It’s like a silent movie I’ve seen too many times. As he explains, I look down and watch my tears drift to the newly fallen leaves.

The tears and leaves fade away and is replaced by a white door waiting to be opened. I realize it my door, and I slowly turn the knob and push the door open. I stare into a room that used to be mine, but now it is just a ruins. I know I’m there to see what can be salvaged, but the few things I pick up are soiled. When I look at my bed, I know I will never sleep in it again. I will never sit at my unorganized desk. Never again will I stand between these walls in which I had cried, laughed, and made a million memories that were all coming back now.

I begin to walk out of my room, empty handed, but I stop when I catch a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror. I stop to study my face, red and puffy, just as my dad’s had been. I hear a huge bang.

Suddenly, I’m in complete darkness, and there is a pain in my side. I look up at my bed, then at the clock, which reads 3:21 A.M. It’s just another nightmare. I still cry today when I think back to the events of having to leaves my friends, my school, and my home behind. Although I know the tragedy is in the past, it lives on forever in memory and especially nightmare. The events of Hurricane Rita will never be forgotten.








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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy this story. I am not even sure what problem the protagonist faced. This story was okay. The story would have been better if the author had introduced the problem differently and made it feel more pressing. I really enjoyed this story. The author did a good job pulling me into the story by introducing an immediate and important problem for the protagonist.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the story.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters were somewhat dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I partially understood the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the characters. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters were very dynamic, credible, interesting, memorable and unique. I thoroughly understood their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and cared about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: Plot

I finished reading the story so the plot must have unfolded, but I am not sure what the plot was. The characters did not achieve or grow by solving the problems they faced in this story. There were definite wrinkles in the way the plot unfolded leading to the final conflict. The plot was loosely tied to the achievement and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame some of the problems flowed unnaturally with the story. I could see the plot unfolding through a series of escalating problems that lead to the final conflict. The plot helped me understand the achievements and growth of the characters. The way the protagonist overcame the problems flowed naturally with the st

In fiction a plot is all the events in a story, particularly rendered towards the achievement of some particular artistic or emotional effect. In other words it's what mostly happened in the story. The plot draws the reader into the character's lives and helps the reader understand the choices that the characters make.

Category Name: Dialog

The dialog seemed like cold words on paper. I had a hard time following it. I didn’t learn very much about the characters through the dialog. Through the dialog I could sometimes see the characters learn and grow while occasionally discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was generally consistent with the character. Through the dialog I could see the characters learn and grow while simultaneously discovering new facets of their personalities. The dialog was true to the character and it helped me understand the characters emotions.

Category Name: Setting

The setting created a haze in my mind that detracted from the story. I am lost in time and space because I don’t know when or where this story takes place. The setting was described adequately, but not well enough to bring it to life in my mind. The setting did not add to or detract from the story. I am pretty sure I know when and where the story takes place. The author engaged all of my senses while vividly describing the setting. The setting helped me better understand the setting and plot. I know when and where this story takes place.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

Note: The purpose of ReviewFuse reviews is NOT to provide comprehensive copy editing, but rather to "ignite creativity." Reviewers should not feel obliged to point out every grammar or spelling error (though they certainly can if they wish), but should focus on this area only to the degree that errors make a story hard to follow or understand.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. My dad pulls into the driveway at my grandma's. I smile because now I know he’s okay. Even though it’s raining, I run to his big, grey SUV. My smile fades as he rolls down his window; his eyes are red and puffy with tears spilling over. He starts to explain, and although his mouth is moving, no sound is coming out. It’s like a silent movie I’ve seen too many times. As he explains, I look down and watch my tears drift to the newly fallen leaves.

2. The tears and leaves fade away and is replaced by a white door waiting to be opened. I realize it my door, and I slowly turn the knob and push the door open. I stare into a room that used to be mine, but now it is just a ruins. I know I’m there to see what can be salvaged, but the few things I pick up are soiled. When I look at my bed, I know I will never sleep in it again. I will never sit at my unorganized desk. Never again will I stand between these walls in which I had cried, laughed, and made a million memories that were all coming back now.

3. I begin to walk out of my room, empty handed, but I stop when I catch a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror. I stop to study my face, red and puffy, just as my dad’s had been. I hear a huge bang.

4. Suddenly, I’m in complete darkness, and there is a pain in my side. I look up at my bed, then at the clock, which reads 3:21 A.M. It’s just another nightmare. I still cry today when I think back to the events of having to leaves my friends, my school, and my home behind. Although I know the tragedy is in the past, it lives on forever in memory and especially nightmare. The events of Hurricane Rita will never be forgotten.

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