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"Meet Sophia" by sakuragirl

Prologue to a book titled "The Other Woman"

Category: Book: 1st Chapter

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I'd been waiting for some fifteen minutes, backed on the massive bronze Empress' Gates. I was starting to think it was another one of Mark's stupid jokes. He'd awaken me at 6 am and literally wrested my dosed self from within the blanket's coziness with his unusual enthusiasm. Man, I got you the best story ever! he'd uttered in between frantic shouts. I stuffed my hands deeper into the overcoat's pockets, slightly intimidated by the prickling November breeze and bumped over a crumpled cigarettes pack. Got one of the infamous whitish sticks out and tried to peek at the gloomy world around me with my expert wannabe detective eyes. 

A discreet scent of a blackberry and azalea cocktail seized my attention, a spicy drop of menthol or maybe just my psychic going frozen by the sudden alluring appearance. She hadn't been there a blink ago, I couldn't have missed the long black coat and the slim silhouette underneath its warmth.

"Ah, the pungent bitterness of vice piercing through the morning chill! I am Sophia."

The lady was a story herself and I felt like bowing as she gave me her delicate porcelain hand. Smitten by her beauty, I brought it closer to my lips, unsure whether to kiss or shake.

"Walk with me." 

She leaned herself on to my elbow and permanently engraved into my brains the notion of gentleman. One could only desperately wish to be a gentleman to Lady Sophia. For a few shameful seconds, before respect rooted its sinuous claws, I thought about how would have she looked like, maybe a decade ago, wrapped inside her lover's arms. How would this intrigue of a woman have sighed at her man's touch and how would she have cuddled next to him at night, fearlessly breathing her dreams.

"I've played the writing game myself, Mr. Williams. And it took me a while to come to the final resolution of having my own life story written by someone else. I believe my emotions would come too much in the way of words, you see..." She sighed and slowed her pace. I could feel her light weight decently resting on my arm for support. Lady Sophia knew, of course, that no one could write her story better than her own self, she was far too intelligent of a lady to ignore that, but as I've learned in time, the pain of relieving her past by remembering it was excruciating enough to not wish its intensity doubled by the effort of nicely phrasing it for the audience. 

That first day, though, her presence made me feel like a foolish teenager. I was about to give her a brief lecture on how it's always better to write about things you know best, as if to impress her with my knowledge, but she shushed me even before I mangled all my thoughts in one piece. She literally shushed me. Her gloved finger caught my words mid air and I stood bemused on the cold path, this fascinating woman shooting devastating flames with her eyes the color of mad wind. Obviously, she'd read all my books - all memorable two of them - and most of my articles. Lady Sophia had chosen her author.


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Category Name: My Thoughts

I did not enjoy the chapter. The chapter was okay. I really enjoyed the chapter.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the chapter.

Category Name: Character Development

The characters were not credible, interesting or unique. I don’t care about or understand the characters because they were poorly developed. The characters where somewhat credible, interesting and unique. I partially understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions. I somewhat connected with and care about the characters. The characters where credible, interesting and unique. I thoroughly understand their thoughts, feelings and actions. I felt connected with and started to care about the characters.

This is act of bringing a character to life on the page. It is a combination of the author’s description of the character and the character’s dialog, action, and thoughts. Though all characters should be believable, the protagonist and antagonist are usually the most developed characters.

Category Name: The Beginning

The chapter did not introduce a problem. I really don’t want to read the next chapter. The chapter introduces a problem for the protagonist, but I don’t know why it’s important and/or it does not feel like an immediate resolution is needed. I might read the next chapter. The chapter introduced an immediate and important problem for the protagonist. I really want to know what happens in the next chapter.

The first chapter, especially the first sentence, needs to pull a reader into the story and make them crave more.

Category Name: Setting

I don’t know when or where this chapter takes place. The setting was inadequately described or inappropriately used. I know when and where the chapter takes place but I can only vaguely picture it in my mind. The setting did not add to or distract from the chapter. I know when and where the chapter takes place. The setting enhanced the chapter and helped me better understand the characters or plot.

The setting is where a story takes place. The choice of setting and its description helps the story come alive in the mind of the reader. Appropriate setting contributes to the plot and mood of the story.

Category Name: Mechanics

The story contained so many mechanical errors that it was hard to follow the plot or understand certain sentences or paragraphs. Occasional mechanical errors were distracting, but these errors did not inhibit me from being able to understand the plot or connect with characters in the story. I rarely if ever noticed mechanical errors. As far as I could tell, the writing was clear and correct.

Mechanics includes sentence structure, verb agreement, grammar, spelling, voice, punctuation and aspects of basic style.

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Category Name: Dialog

The dialog caused more confusion than clarification about the characters. It was almost impossible to follow. Some of the dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. I could follow the dialog when paying close attention. The dialog helped me learn about the characters and revealed new facets of their personalities. The dialog flowed well and was easy to follow.

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1. I'd been waiting for some fifteen minutes, backed on the massive bronze Empress' Gates. I was starting to think it was another one of Mark's stupid jokes. He'd awaken me at 6 am and literally wrested my dosed self from within the blanket's coziness with his unusual enthusiasm. Man, I got you the best story ever! he'd uttered in between frantic shouts. I stuffed my hands deeper into the overcoat's pockets, slightly intimidated by the prickling November breeze and bumped over a crumpled cigarettes pack. Got one of the infamous whitish sticks out and tried to peek at the gloomy world around me with my expert wannabe detective eyes. 

2. A discreet scent of a blackberry and azalea cocktail seized my attention, a spicy drop of menthol or maybe just my psychic going frozen by the sudden alluring appearance. She hadn't been there a blink ago, I couldn't have missed the long black coat and the slim silhouette underneath its warmth.

3. "Ah, the pungent bitterness of vice piercing through the morning chill! I am Sophia."

4. The lady was a story herself and I felt like bowing as she gave me her delicate porcelain hand. Smitten by her beauty, I brought it closer to my lips, unsure whether to kiss or shake.

5. "Walk with me." 

6. She leaned herself on to my elbow and permanently engraved into my brains the notion of gentleman. One could only desperately wish to be a gentleman to Lady Sophia. For a few shameful seconds, before respect rooted its sinuous claws, I thought about how would have she looked like, maybe a decade ago, wrapped inside her lover's arms. How would this intrigue of a woman have sighed at her man's touch and how would she have cuddled next to him at night, fearlessly breathing her dreams.

7. "I've played the writing game myself, Mr. Williams. And it took me a while to come to the final resolution of having my own life story written by someone else. I believe my emotions would come too much in the way of words, you see..." She sighed and slowed her pace. I could feel her light weight decently resting on my arm for support. Lady Sophia knew, of course, that no one could write her story better than her own self, she was far too intelligent of a lady to ignore that, but as I've learned in time, the pain of relieving her past by remembering it was excruciating enough to not wish its intensity doubled by the effort of nicely phrasing it for the audience. 

8. That first day, though, her presence made me feel like a foolish teenager. I was about to give her a brief lecture on how it's always better to write about things you know best, as if to impress her with my knowledge, but she shushed me even before I mangled all my thoughts in one piece. She literally shushed me. Her gloved finger caught my words mid air and I stood bemused on the cold path, this fascinating woman shooting devastating flames with her eyes the color of mad wind. Obviously, she'd read all my books - all memorable two of them - and most of my articles. Lady Sophia had chosen her author.

9.

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