Writing Lesson: Show-Not-Tell join for free to get your assignments critiqued by your peers

Synopsis

To make your story come to life, avoid "telling" it to your reader. Instead, give clues that show the setting, the story, and the character. Put the mental "camera" in the scene and have it run then describe what it "records." Let your reader infer that meaning and experience it firsthand.

Lesson© Review Fuse 2009

One of the most commonly misunderstood tenets of writing is "Show, don’t tell." We all try to show, but it’s still all-too common for beginning writers to get, "show, don’t tell" scrawled across their work from an editor or a contest judge, and think, "Wait—I thought I was showing!"

To show well, you need to know what that term means. So what is showing?

It’s not saying that it was a pretty day outside or that the house was creepy or that Susan was depressed or that John was angry. That’s all telling.

Showing sets a virtual movie camera onto the scene. You as the writer then record in words exactly what it sees. Best of all, this "camera" can record not only sight but all five senses.

"The house was creepy" is telly. It doesn’t reflect anything the mental camera recorded—it’s an interpretation all by itself.

How about using physical details that express how creepy the house is? Maybe the shingles are askew and the windows smashed, with pointed shards still clinging to some panes. Maybe cobwebs drape across the porch. Could there be sounds or smells that send a chill up the reader’s back?

The vast majority of your showing will involve sight and sound, but remember to use touch as well. Also try to add at least one detail involving taste or smell into most scenes. Taste and smell are senses that tend to be the most powerful in evoking emotion and memory in readers, so don’t forget to use them.

Also don’t forget that you can put the "camera" inside your point of view character’s head to show emotions and thoughts as well. Don’t just have a character think, "I’m embarrassed." Instead, show it with other thoughts or dialogue that imply as much.

For example, to show that a character is embarrassed, you could show them:

wanting to run away and hide

their cheeks burning with heat

taking shallow breaths

feeling their heart speed up

have a need to swallow, but their throat is dry

have their mind go blank—they can’t think of what to say or do next

and more

In a sense, your job is to assume that your reader is smart enough to play detective, to take the clues you plant, and figure out what you mean by them. That’s the crux of showing—you provide the details, and the reader interprets them.

One way to check your work for telling moments is to take a rough draft and read through it for adjectives. Circle each one, such as "happy" or "tall." Analyze each one. Is there a way to pull the adjective out altogether and show it instead?

For example, if Larry is tall, show him stoop under the doorway as he enters the room. Or have his wife hug him, her nose not even reaching his chest. From those types of details, readers figure out that Larry is tall without you ever using that word—without you telling us that’s he’s tall.

Another way to avoid telling is to do a search for "was" in your document. While "was" isn’t always used in telly situations, probably 80% of the time, it is. If you find a case of "was," you very likely found a case of "tell."

Telling examples with "was":

Mary was upset.

Peter was jealous.

The car was old.

The view was gorgeous.

If Nancy is hungry, don’t just tell us she’s hungry. Here are some ideas for showing her hunger:

Have her dream about cheeseburgers.

Show her stomach gurgling growling.

Have her mouth water at the smell of her favorite restaurant.

The first chance she gets, show her digging into a plate of onion rings.

Put the camera up and let it run. Then show us what it recorded. Let us experience on the page what’s already so vivid in your imagination.