Want more peer reviews?
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Put them public and let me know. I'll trade reviews with you.

Please don't bypass the regular review process. If you want more than the required three or weren't satisfied with those you received, then let me know here.

Alright, Mooredavidw. I'll take you on :) I browsed your submissions, and decided to review Shadows Dance, because it seems closer to the kind of thing I write. I just submitted Cinderfella for review, but don't let the funny title mislead you. I'm still thinking of revising the title, because I think it will make people think it's a comedy. We'll chat more in the review comments!

I liked it. It will be interesting to see what spin you put on this classic. Your imagery is very detailed and in many cases downright beautiful.

glad you like Cinderfella. I'm still working on yours. so far I find it fascinating, but I really wnat to give extra attention, tha way when you get the results...hopefully you'll like what I've written and be able to use some of my tips and suggestions. I also like to add comments in the inlines, because I believe its important for a writer to know what types of reactons he's illiciting in his readers. I still have your story open in a separate window since last night. I just put the laptop in hybernate so I wouldn't lose what I've done so far. I'll be a few more hours, but you'll gat it I promise. :)

Btw. My comment about overdoing on imagery only applied to the one or two spots I noted inline, and only because the sentences scanned as a little complex. The imagery itsilf was beautiful and over the whole piece, well balanced.

AndSAnd I assume you have more written for Cinderfella. Let me know when you post and I'll continue reviewing. Also, let me know what in my critique was helpful and what wad not, so I can improve there as well. I noticed one thing from your last post that I did not do as well with and I may go back and add - overall feelings at more points inline. I've got to work today so I might not get to it til later but I'll take another look at it. (at work now. Hehe)

Two more quick things:

what about The Lost Glass Slipper as a title for yours?

Also a new chap for shadow's dance is posted (one not on my website) a bizarre character study and another murder. Oh no!

You know I was wondering about that. In the original Cinderella she losses her glass slipper at the stroke of midnight, but Liam can't wear glass slippers-that's dangerous. Besides I don't think I want him as a drag queen either. I had thought of having him dress up as a princess at some halloween costume ball, but--nah. Don't like it But he's got to lose something. How about one of his dad's diamond cuff-links? Prom night? I'll figure it out.

You don't have to be literal. The lost glass slipper could be a glass beaded slipper of his mother's that the aunt tries to get rid of because she knows how much it means to him. Liam could even find it at the end, hidden in his aunt's things with evidence of her poisoning.

Oh, and oops - apparently I did post the chap on my site as well (didn't remember doing that) but I've edited more.

I like David's reply and you know how much I enjoyed the first chapter. Cinderella lost her dignity, which I think was the most important part of the story. The glass slipper was someone saving her. Might possibly be that Liam saves himself. He finds his own shoe fron his childhood in the basement behind the furnace and remembers his childhood and then realizes his parents gave him the best gift they could have ever given him; faith in himself. Just a thought rolling through my mediocore mind. : )

kimbrly, would you like to trade reviews? If so, let me know which piece you want (and make sure it's public)

Absolutely. I read one of yours. Talented writer. I will let you know. Just trying to put together chapter II which was yesterday Chapter VI. : )

OK, Mr. Moore, I just placed a review up for you. I should have Chapter II up for review tomorrow -- but, it's probably not up your alley, but you can see the progression of the story.

Don't forget to make it public so I can access it. BTW I am reading The Girl Who Played With Fire right now - Love It!

And thanks again for the constructive criticism

Just posting second chapter for your review. But. . try to think like a girl. : )

try to think like a girl? Lol. I did read twilight, and except for all the female teenage angst, I liked it. Oops, that's probably what you meant, huh?

alright, so I will take a look at your chapter. It might not be until tomorrow, but definitely by then.

Just finished. And NO I didn't need to think like a girl. Lol. I enjoyed it and look forward to seeing future chapters. Most of what I saw was minor grammatical issues that would be cleaned up in a proof reading.

Thanks Mr. Moore! I hope that someone talented in grammar will take it on -- not my forte! Although I was a teacher. But, I had to study the grammar before I taught it. : )