Bad Dialog
I read some really bad dialogue yesterday. Actually, I read it five times and still couldn’t figure out who was talking. In honor of this terrible dialog I have constructed my own rotten dialog. This bad dialog comes from a dinnertime conversation a few stupid cave trolls recently had. If you could have watched these trolls have this conversation the dialog would be meaningful and easy to follow, but without the visual, you will probably have to guess at who is talking.
“Why didn’t you let us eat her?” “Now she has run away and we have nothing to eat!” “Just eat your club” “You’ll eat what I tell you to eat.” “Why don’t you try to make me eat my club?” “Shut up.” “Stop fighting and let’s find a tasty fawn or ram to boil.”
Can you flesh out this bad dialog and turn it into good dialog? Please post your good dialog solution as a comment. It will be fun to read each other’s examples and see how many ways this bad dialog was interpreted.
Jacob
Stumble it!
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:20 pm
“Why didn’t you let us eat her? now she has run away and we have nothing to eat!” Joey said licking his lips and waving his Italian hands.
“Just eat your club,” Monica pointed to the freshly made club sandwich. “You’ll eat what I tell you to eat.”
“Why don’t you try to make me eat my club?” Joey challenged her, widening his Italian eyes and moving his head up and down.
“Shut up,” Phoebe and Rachel said simultaneously.
“Stop fighting and let’s find a tasty fawn or ram to boil,” Chandler suggested in a mocking tone.