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"October Wine" by marc

Category: Poetry

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A few years ago, I would have never thought

we would be a thought nor see each other.

Until that day the phone rang it was you

The one I could never forget about 

This Beautiful Blonde hared Lady

A deep Breath in the phone and lived again

I am free what after all that time 

But you're waiting for me back?

So I just want the wondering not to stop

The fog has cleared, the sun beats down

The mountains stretch for miles

Though all my travels it was still you 

And the longer this car devours road

Airplanes fly though clouds

you still end in a different Country 

The more I miss your smile

A few months ago, I would have loved this

Stared out the window, lost in thought

I once dreamed for a reason to leave

A reason to stay is what I got

There's no comfort in these hotels

Each one is like the last

And the more I listen to the silence

The more I miss your laugh

A few months ago, I would have loved this

No need to face old flames

But with a new one burning bright back home

My views on life have changed

The shifting temperatures outside

Make me miss the thunderstorms

And the more I toss and turn each night

The more I miss your warmth

A few months ago, I would have loved this

To be somewhere I'm not known

But I can't stand being away from you

Connected only by a phone

This isn't how I pictured it

I didn't leave by choice

And the more I write about it

The more I miss your voice

A few months ago, I would have hated this

Heading back home again

But this time I'm ecstatic

I wasn't in love back then

The sun is setting on October

The year is almost through

And the closer we get to the end

The more I fall for you and miss you

We don't need to wine, but only

Drink Wine together and enjoy life as

It's too short  !!!!

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Category Name: My Thoughts

I didn’t care for this poem at all. It lacked originality, purpose, good word choice, or was otherwise uninteresting. This poem was okay. It would have been better if the poet had given the theme, word choice, or form more careful thought. This poem was great. The form and word choice seemed natural and added to the main idea the poet was putting across.

This section is for overall comments and general ideas. The score should reflect how much you enjoyed the poem.

Category Name: Theme / Subject Matter

The poet does little to make the theme or subject matter seem important to me. There are some cool things about the way the theme or subject matter is handled, but it could use more originality or clarity. The poem makes the subject matter new and exciting. Even if the subject matter is ordinary, the poet gives it a new angle.

Is the subject or theme poetry “worthy?” Is it original? Is the subject treated in such a way that makes it interesting, funny, creative, beautiful, surprising, enlightening or otherwise worthwhile? Ordinary subjects make for great poetry if they are treated in an original way, and great subjects make for bad poetry if they are just like every other poem written about it.

Category Name: Word Choice

The words chosen for this poem are dull, contrived, or hastily chosen. The words seem almost right, but there may be some wrenching or some words that don’t quite fit into the overall idea. The words choice is great. The words seem exactly right to convey the theme. They are beautifully or creatively chosen, surprising or exciting.

Poetry is language in its most concentrated form. More so than in any other type of literature, this requires the poet to carefully choose each word. Do the words chosen convey a specific intention, feeling or purpose? Do they feel deliberate but natural, or do the feel forced, awkward, or hasty?

Category Name: Form & Structure

This poem seemed spewed onto the page without any thought given to form of any kind. The poem has been thought out, but doesn’t quite fit the form or seems a little forced or unnatural in some places. The poem naturally conforms to the form, or the free verse takes meter, enjambment, etc. into consideration in an effective way.

Form is the defining structure of a genre or type. Does the poem follow a predefined form (sonnet, haiku, villanelle, ballad, etc)? If so, does it conform to the rules of the form (meter, rhyme, syllable count, etc)? If the poem does not follow a form, does it make sense not to? Is there something that differentiates the poem from prose?

Category Name: Mechanics

The poet seems to have taken little or no thought for the punctuation in this poem. The poet has some really interesting things going on with the punctuation or line length, but it could be more exciting or surprising, or it could be scaled back to be less distracting. The punctuation compliments and adds to the meaning of the poem’s words or theme. It is deliberate and well thought out.

Punctuation (or lack there of), line breaks, enjambment, capitalization, lineation, etc. Not everyone can be e.e. cummings and eschew all punctuation and convention of line, but poetry doesn’t always need to follow strict grammar rules either, as long as whatever punctuation is or is not used adds to the overall idea of the poem.

Inline comments are the most helpful and important aspects of your review.

Click on a paragraph or highlight text from the paragraph to provide inline comments. While detailed grammar correction is welcome, the purpose of inline commenting is to spark the author's creativity. This is best done by expressing feelings, questions, and concerns you have about the story while you are reading.

1. A few years ago, I would have never thought

2. we would be a thought nor see each other.

3. Until that day the phone rang it was you

4. The one I could never forget about 

5. This Beautiful Blonde hared Lady

6. A deep Breath in the phone and lived again

7. I am free what after all that time 

8. But you're waiting for me back?

9. So I just want the wondering not to stop

10. The fog has cleared, the sun beats down

11. The mountains stretch for miles

12. Though all my travels it was still you 

13. And the longer this car devours road

14. Airplanes fly though clouds

15. you still end in a different Country 

16. The more I miss your smile

17. A few months ago, I would have loved this

18. Stared out the window, lost in thought

19. I once dreamed for a reason to leave

20. A reason to stay is what I got

21. There's no comfort in these hotels

22. Each one is like the last

23. And the more I listen to the silence

24. The more I miss your laugh

25. A few months ago, I would have loved this

26. No need to face old flames

27. But with a new one burning bright back home

28. My views on life have changed

29. The shifting temperatures outside

30. Make me miss the thunderstorms

31. And the more I toss and turn each night

32. The more I miss your warmth

33. A few months ago, I would have loved this

34. To be somewhere I'm not known

35. But I can't stand being away from you

36. Connected only by a phone

37. This isn't how I pictured it

38. I didn't leave by choice

39. And the more I write about it

40. The more I miss your voice

41. A few months ago, I would have hated this

42. Heading back home again

43. But this time I'm ecstatic

44. I wasn't in love back then

45. The sun is setting on October

46. The year is almost through

47. And the closer we get to the end

48. The more I fall for you and miss you

49. We don't need to wine, but only

50. Drink Wine together and enjoy life as

51. It's too short  !!!!

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